A Lonely Heart

How is it that I can be so incredibly busy with my two little ragamuffins and yet so bored at the same time???? Day-in-and-day-out it seems to be the same routine. My mornings are not spent in languished conversation with a friend, no, they are instead spent running after a teetering toddler and placating a 'starved for attention' little girl. I feel like a yo-yo being tossed back and forth. Babbling and singing silly little songs can only take you so far. My afternoons take me to a whole new level of frustration as I eagerly anticipate the free time resulting from my kids' naps, only to be bitterly dissapointed when they don't nap at the same time. By the time I get them both down, it is time to get up again! By this point in the day, I have looked at the clock countless times, willing it to advance just a little bit quicker. I could shower, I could get dressed, but what's the point? The only person who sees me are my kids, and they wouldn't care if I were wearing rags as long as I was still functioning as their "human entertainer'. I know I must sound bitter, and I really am not. I only wish that I had some semblance of daily interaction with other adults. A time to converse in a 'grown-up' voice over 'grown-up' drinks. I truly do make an effort to get involved, and somehow it always ends up leaving me with nothing. Everyone else is busy with their own lives, and apparently I get left in the dust. I believe my poor family is starting to resent my "oh-too-common" phone calls, for I am constantly hearing that they can't talk because they are going here or doing this or seeing so-and-so. And once again, I am left dissapointed and honestly a little bit envious. No one said being married to a police officer would be easy, moving around, being away from family and friends. And overall, it hasn't been that bad. But as a people person, I am completely out of my element and can't help but feel a little bit starved for a good visit with a good friend. It doesn't help that my sister and both my sister-in-laws are my dearest friends and all of them with children mere months apart in age than mine... God has been so good to me and given me such good friends, and yet I am so removed from their lives that at times I feel like an invader. Both Jonathan and I knew that this would be a time of quiet in our lives, and it truly has been the best thing for our growing family and our still-new marriage. But we are practically itching to move away and get involved somewhere new. We find out tomorrow if we will be able to get approved for a mortgage, you can guess what I am hoping that answer will be. If so, we are both in full agreeance that our decision will be to go closer to home. If not, than we have no choice but to stay here another year and develop a better financial situation for ourselves. I can hardly bear all this guessing and hoping and not-knowing what our future will hold. But no matter what, I know that God has our best interests at heart. And even if those plans include us staying here for another year, He will make a way for us, and make a place for me. I do trust Him to make the best decision for us, but in the meantime... I am like a little child kneeling at the knee of my maker.... "pleeeeeeeeease God, let your answer be 'go'"!