Sunday Seranade

"Eat your cereal, stop throwing food!"

My kids just smile and think 'mom's in a mood'

Pushing my buttons, stretching the line

They push and they push, they cry and they whine

My mood turns serious, they know and recant

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" they begin their rote chant

Closing my ears to their half-hearted pleas

I go to my room and get down on my knees

"God, I'm losing it, I'm blowing my top"

"Give me some patience, just help them to stop!"

I come out of my room, prepared for the worst

But my kids are sweet angels, my heart wants to burst

All day long I battle, they push till I drop

And then, only then, will they think they should stop

And just when I think my strength is waning

God gives me some more and my kids stop complaining

I had no idea, I had not a clue

That life as a mother could be such a zoo

A ride of emotions, a maze of the heart

And the scary part is... this is just the start!

Morning Musings

A baby is crying. I try to open my eyes but find them closed... indefinitely. Sitting up in my bed the cold hits me like a slap in the face and I shiver and shake as I make my way, blinded and dizzy, to the kitchen. Bottle, liner, formula, water, a little shake and I can go back to the glorious splendor of my bed, or so I tell myself. Malakai smiles up at me as I pop the bottle into his mouth and hope beyond all hope that he goes back to bed. He doesn't. He coos and squeals and Caleb starts to wake up, I look at the clock in a state of denial, 5:50am. Sighing, and fully awake, I decide I may as well go on my morning walk to clear the cobwebs that have taken up residence in my foggy head. The crisp morning mocks me for a day in August and I pull on a hat and gloves as I walk out the door. I walk, purposefully, determined. I no longer know how to walk any other way. No more meandering, I am a mom and I mean business! As I walk I think, I breathe in the cool fresh air, and I pray "God help me to come home to a quiet house, let me at least have a coffee in peace!" I come back home prepared for the worst and enter the house to silence. How great is my God! I make myself a coffee, and as I finish the last sip in my cup Caleb wakes up... how humorous is my God! Knowing I have no right to complain I greet my son (at 6:45am) with a smile and bundle him up against the cold (time to turn on the heat?!?!?!?!).

It is 7 o' clock. My son eats his breakfast and slyly asks (with a mischievous grin on his face), "what are you doing Rebecca?" Ah son, where do I possibly begin???? He asks for his mouse, a cat toy he found last night and has promptly given a home and a little water dish that he must cart around everywhere he goes. I sit at my computer, hoping to find some portal to the outside world, some connection with some other mom out there who is awake and wishing she was in bed. They are out there, somewhere. The moms who desperately pour themselves a cup of coffee hoping the caffeine kicks in before they have a meltdown. And somehow, without knowing who or where they are, I feel a sense of community with these moms and find I have the strength to turn off my computer and greet the rest of my little family.

HAPPY MORNING EVERYONE!

Why I am a stay at home mom

I recently wrote an article for Suite101 titled, "Should you be a stay at home mom?" and received quite a response from it. I thought I was being very careful to fairly represent both sides of this controversial issue. The reality is, there are many mothers who would like to stay at home with their kids but are unable to afford the cost of living on only one income. Most of the critical comments I received came from mothers who work not because they have to, but because they want to. Although this was not my target audience, I found myself unable to stay silent after I read my last comment. They posted a link they thought would be better received, an article from the globe and mail titled, "Ditch the guilt, working moms: the kids are all right". In order to fully understand my position and arguments, please read this article before proceeding.

Let us begin by carefully examining all sides of this issue. There are three types of career mothers:

1. The financially obligated mother
2. The motivated and goal-orientated mother
3. The "my kids are driving me nuts!" mother

The first group I addressed in my article. I understand and appreciate the mothers who work to help supplement their household income. This is not an easy day and age to live in and sometimes two incomes is the only solution.

To the second group, I can relate. I am a motivated and goal-oriented person myself. I am always looking for the next challenge to conquer, and as soon as I have, I am on to the next hurdle. Because of this, I often battle discontentment and am constantly on the lookout for vices through which I can feel like a person, not just mom. Now, I try to find things that can keep me in my home. Various hobbies can sometimes do the trick, or my current fling with teaching piano lessons. Let's be perfectly clear here: being a mother is not rewarding. I have heard parents say, "being a mom/dad is so rewarding." They are lying. Being a parent is a blessing, and one day we will reap the rewards of our hard work. My children bless me every day! But it is not rewarding. Your kids will not praise you for putting them on timeout for the 100th time or taking away a privilege when you just want the whining to stop! You will not get a pat on the back every time you clean the bathroom or a great referral letter. There is no ladder to climb, no sense of completion (take cleaning the house for example... the job that NEVER ends). So for the parents that yearn for something more, I understand. I too yearn for more at times. And this is where my faith comes in to play. As a Christian, I believe that I am called to be content in my circumstances. Not that I am never allowed to want more, but this is not just where God has put me, but it is where I have put myself. I chose to be a mom. I chose to have kids. Now I live with the reality of that choice... raising them. I daily accept my role and wear the responsibility of that choice and calling. And with God's daily help, I do so with joy!

The third group of mothers are the one to which the posted article refers. To these mothers, I have no mercy. If your reason for working is to escape your children than you are a coward and have every reason to feel guilty. You became a mom, whether by choice or accident, it happened. There are consequences and they are presented in these beautiful little baby's. When a mother says that their child is "driving them crazy" and they just can't stand it anymore (the child to which the woman in the article refers is only 9 months old) then I believe that they are being selfish. Yes, your child will be FINE in daycare. Yes, they will learn some new tricks, copy the older children. They might learn more than they would at home if you just stuck them in front of the TV all day. HOWEVER, they are NOT learning character. They are not learning your values. And, more importantly, they are NOT bonding or forming an attachment to you. Because of this most of these mother's kids will most likely rebel as teenagers. They won't feel obligated to please mom and dad. They will be used to following the crowd and having their "space." They will have all the toys they want, but they will be distant and aloof. And both you, and your child, will suffer in the long run. When they are sick or tired, they won't be calling for you... why would they, you are never around? No, they will call for their nanny or caregiver. They are attached to them. They feel loved, secure, and safe with them. The article states that, "Few (mothers) if any would consider devoting themselves completely to child care" All I can say is that the author of this article doesn't know very many mothers. Hundreds, thousands of mothers choose to devote themselves selfishly and whole heartily to the care and well-being of their child. 


"The real question is: Is staying home with babies generally good for the mental development and behaviour of most new mothers?"


No, my friend. The real question is this: If being with your own child is detrimental to your mental development and behaviour, why on earth did you EVER have kids in the first place?!?!?!?!? 


This article bashes stay at home moms because they guilt working moms. No, working moms feel guilty because they know there is something more to raising kids. Sure, your kids will grow up... with or without your help. But what will they grow into? Who is guiding them and teaching them? Whose values are they learning? Their teachers? Their peers? The cool drug-addict at school? The snotty, rude 7 year old at playgroup? Or perhaps one of the adults they are told and expected to trust who turn out to be a pedophile. Do you know? How could you possibly know the outcome of your child's growth, see the man or woman they will become when you just cart them blindly to their various groups and caregivers, and just hope for the best. 


Hoping is not good enough for me. I intend to KNOW!

Super Moms

Have you ever looked at another mom, or any woman for that matter, who just does everything right? They are up at the crack of dawn, they make a healthy breakfast each morning, they do family devotions, their kids are well-behaved and perfect and for heavens sake! Why are they always baking!!?!?!?!?! Yes, I have met moms like this, I refer to them as super moms. They make me feel guilty about feeding my kids cereal EVERY DAY! Or guilty for raising my voice when I get frustrated. They also inspire me and make me want to be a better mom, do more for my kids. It is a love/hate relationship with those moms, and I can't help but wonder why.

Hold that thought for a minute and come along with me on my morning walk. I haven't gone on it for over a month now and I decided to try this morning. I had forgotten why I did it in the first place. It is not the fresh air, the smell of flowers, even the chance to be alone. No, the real reason I go for my walk is because it is pretty much the only time I get with God each day. I go to pray. I go to bask in His presence and because of that, I come back a different person. As I was nearing home this morning, feeling encouraged, peaceful, and full of JOY, I realized that that is the difference. THAT is the difference between super mom and me. It is not what they do, not who they are, but rather who is shining through them. It gave me such a sense of freedom from guilt and bitterness towards these mothers when I saw that on days I go for my walk, I am supermom. I am motivated, energized, patient, and joyful. I am a better mom, a better wife, and overall a better person. You can't simply know Jesus and expect to be a different person. I realized that I ask God to make me a better mom. And he does. But, he does it for that day. The next day I need to wake up and do it all over again. It takes a constant, everyday relationship with God. It takes me laying my heart before him, my fears and frustrations, my attitude and lack of patience... asking for forgiveness, help, energy, and strength to be the best person I can that day. And even then, it is not what I CAN do, but what Christ does in me. As a Christian my whole life, this is sunday school stuff. I have known it and could have preached it to anyone who came to me. But I guess this morning I received new insight and really owned this principal.


It is not super mom, but rather super charged mom!


And so my friends, I am supercharged today. Don't judge me, don't be bitter or feel guilty, but rather go to your room, lock your door and spend time with God today. You will be a super charged mom too!

Heart Change

It is a wonderful afternoon. I say that because my kids never ended up napping (except for in the car) so I am very excited to lay them down at 7 sharp. We went into town this morning, so my whole day has seemed short. Ah, I love short days. Anyways, we were going to go to the wildlife park, but it is so smokey out there both jonathan and I felt sick and thought it would be best to just leave it. So we went to bag sale at Lizzie Bits instead. I love bag sale. I had a credit from all my consignment, so I got a ton of stuff. Even got to try out the Rockin' Green everyone's been talking about (my load is in the wash right now). Now I sit here, surrounded by a haze of smoke outside, thinking about my day.

We picked up an old school desk today from a lady in town (which as you can see is still in the truck because I am waiting for my sweet husband to carry it in for me). Have I mentioned I LOVE kijiji???? Anyways, she asked what we would be using it for and I told her we would be using it for homeschooling our children. She was very interested in this decision as she said she had always considered it old-fashioned and weird, but more and more people were doing it and she wondered why. So we laid our case before her: what Jonathan has seen and witnessed in the elementary schools, the lack of control over their education, the long time involved sitting both at school and home doing homework and the desire to give our kids a foundation because they are so impressionable. She could tell we were passionate about it and I realized that yeah, I guess we are! A couple of years ago, Jonathan was against homeschooling. It is amazing how this idea has formed and grown in our minds and hearts over the last year that we have been talking about it. We are passionate about our kids and we are passionate about both their education and, more importantly, their souls. We cannot protect them forever, we won't be homeschooling them forever. But, we can give our family a foundation of faith, love, and example that hopefully they will carry throughout their lifetime.

Anyways, here's to a good day, already half gone... and change. Which can sometimes happen so subtly you don't even realize it has occurred :)

Homeschooling Thoughts

Well, Jonathan and I have pretty much decided that we are going to homeschool. I am not sure how long we will do it for, at least for the elementary years we think. We want to draw a fine line. We don't want our children to be too sheltered, but at the same time we want them to have a strong foundation in their faith and in their identities. On that note, I was looking for curriculum for the coming fall. I am in love with A Beka curriculum, how can I not be? It is what I grew up with! I looked at countless other products and none of them are as bright and interesting and high quality as the A Beka books. That being said, A Beka is nearly double the price over most other curriculums and they don't ship to me. So, I ended up purchasing materials from my good friends at Rainbow Resources. I LOVE Rainbow Resources. They are so nice and their prices are pretty much unbeatable. They have an awesome selection of not only homeschool books but also supplies, calendars, etc. and I was able to find everything I needed and more for half the price. I know my kids are a little bit young, but I can't wait to jump the bandwagon. I am an all or nothing person and am so excited to get started on the new school year.

Selah will mostly be coloring pictures and maybe participating in the stories. But Caleb is ready. He is starting to recognize his shapes, letters and numbers, and it will do him no harm to hone this skill. I love school. I love fall. I love schedules and the crisp mornings and the bright colors... the smell of fresh paper the feel of newness and possibility. Fall is my favourite season and I can't wait to share it with my children this year! Bring on September!

Summer Update

As I sit here at my kitchen table listening to my kids "nap" (aka play and sing and generally climb the walls), I can't help but consider the chaos that is my life. In just a few short weeks Malakai has changed so much. He has three teeth, he sits, he crawls, he squeals and screams, he doesn't want to be held and arches to be on the floor. He fusses he frets, he even is starting to sign some words like "all done". He has overnight changed from an infant to a mobile baby and it is hitting me pretty hard. I felt like with the others their transition to babyhood was more gradual. What do I do with this child that I hardly know anymore? He is developing his own personality and preferences and all I can think is: "rewind!"

Selah turned two at the end of July. And thank God, her tantrums and screaming fits are beginning to subside. They still happen every day, but not every minute of the day. And for that I am eternally grateful. She is beginning to morph into this beautiful little girl. She is so kind and caring, compassionate and sensitive, and yet she has this toughness to her (being Caleb's little sister is a prime suspect), this incredible strength that some days I don't have the strength to battle. Selah: my warrior princess. She loves her dolly and puts everything on time out from her animals to her favourite beach ball. She eats like a horse, far surpassing Caleb and most nights... me too. Her smile pretty much lights up my life and I am so thankful to have this little girl in my life.

Caleb turns three tomorrow. I can hardly believe it! He isn't a toddler any longer and everyday he surprises me with some new tidbit of knowledge he has acquired. Darned TV, he sure doesn't get all that from me so where else does it come from? He is a little mother, he considers Malakai his "son" (to which we have had a number of arguments that I seem to lose on a pretty consistent basis). He is constantly asking me "Mama, can you put Selah on timeout please?" making sure that she receives her just rewards (the fact is he is usually right, she needs a timeout, oy vey). Bedtime has become my constant battleground and the only way to get him to sleep is to sit outside his room like a sleep vigilante. He crawls into Malakai's crib to play with him at least 20 times before finally succumbing to sleep. He is my biggest helper most of the time and he is such a boy. Always playing with his cars and trying to tackle you to the floor. His smile can melt me and he knows it too, using his charm to its utmost capabilities.

Ah my kids, I don't know where to start or how to end. They are everything to me. They are my life, my aspirations and goals, my heart and my soul. They are the reason I get up the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night. They are growing up. I can remember... and I mean REMEMBER the moment each of them were born as if it were yesterday and here they are, their own little people. What a powerful thing, having children. Teaching them, raising them to be strong, capable adults. Whoever said being a stay-at-home mom wasn't a career? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, isn't it so? I may not be raising the next Prime Minister, but I am raising little people who will inevitably touch the lives of those around them. So bring it on I say! And may God give me the strength I need to be the best I can be today.