Condemnation Overload

As a new mother, I have found that everyone has an opinion as to how you should raise your child. And I must say, it has taken me some time to learn how best to respond to these 'helpful tips' that seem to assail me from every side. Recently, I was sitting in our much-too-cramped church nursery with both my children announcing that it was clearly well past nap-time... when I had an epiphany (perfect timing, I know). But seriously, it was here that I realized that I too judge other mothers. In fact, I think that it is an epidemic that is rapidly overtaking us as women. You see, it starts off like this:

When I first had Caleb, I was instantly in love. He and I played together, talked together, laughed together. I held him at any and every given opportunity, napped with him, and caved to his every whim and desire. This was my right as a "first-time-mother" (FTM). However, I constantly found myself judged by seemingly all mothers of multiple children. When I didn't want to pass around my son like a football, I got "Oh, you get him all the time, it is our turn now. When you have more kids, you will be begging people to take them off your hands." They were like clucking hens, 'cluck cluck cluck' everywhere I went. I couldn't escape the chuckles and condescending glances as I ran to my son when he got a bump (even if he was fine) or covered him like a tent when other kids were shamelessly tossing toys in his direction. When other kids held him, I found myself hovering over them, reminding them to "watch his neck" or "don't touch his face". And on and on and on it went. In essence, I was a typical First Time Mom. And I remember vividly (considering it was not that long ago) feeling so defensive and stupid when everyone else would look at me like I was a child for being that way. Let me take a moment to compare that to my mothering styles as a parent of two. My son consistently whacks my daughter on the head. I react, although for his sake, not truly for hers. I want him to learn to be gentle--so he gets reprimanded, her on the other hand, well... she has to learn to fend for herself eventually, right? The cries of my children, once a traumatizing event, has now become an unavoidable and therefore acceptable practise in our household. When I know that they are fed and changed and ready to sleep, they go to sleep. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. She can cry and I will simply turn up the TV (with my son, I would be competing tear for tear). Then there are other kids, we go to the community playgroup and I catch kids hitting Caleb in the head, or taking his toys. Instead of running to make sure that those kids "play fair" I find intense fascination with watching my sons reaction. Because I don't make a big deal, he doesn't make a big deal. And the reality is... LIFE'S NOT FAIR! The sooner he learns that unfortunate fact, the better. Yes, my parenting style is much different than it was a mere year ago, and yet I find that my kids are no worse for the wear. However, where I was once judged for my over-protectiveness, I am now judged for my lack of it. I find those familiar FTM's whispering at each other behind my back. They gape at my apparent lack of concern when my toddling toddler falls and I clap and "yay" him for his effort. They stare in hushed silence as I pick up the food Caleb has so eloquently tossed to the floor for the umpteenth time, and shove it back in his mouth. And now I find myself on the other side of the coin. They judge us, and we judge them. Well, I for one refuse to judge those well-meaning FTM's. And the next time someone is 'aghast' by my crazy kids (or how I raise them) I will just smile and nod... for soon, it will be their turn!