4 days. 4 days until I say goodbye to my kiddos for who knows how long. Drive the long drive back to the coast, get set up in a hotel, and prepare for surgery. 6 days until I meet my baby. 6 days until I get tubes put into 6 different veins and arteries/locations in my body, a massive incision across my abdomen and my entire uterus removed from my body so that they can take out the baby and attempt to release my placenta. I will be awake for the procedure as long as there is no massive haemorrhaging or complications, in which case I will be put under general anaesthesia. Our little girl will be born at 34 + 3. Nearly 6 weeks early. My heart breaks for her. I am dreading the pain of the surgery, the recovery, the weird sensations and unknowns, being away from my kids, being away from my baby as she recovers in the NICU. This whole situation makes me want to run far away. I do so well in between appointments. You forget, you focus on something else, you try not to think about it. But here it is, right in front of me, and I could just cry myself a river. No bridge. No getting over it ;)
There is still so much to do. I am trying to set up rooms, set up beds. We are trying to have the kids stay here for as long as possible so they are in their own environment, which means having family come up and stay. I want everyone to be comfortable, and as close to routine as they can. This means an overhaul of my house, prepping meal plans so that whoever is watching them doesn't have to worry about anything. We still don't have our room set up for baby either, thats on tomorrow's agenda. Bringing in a dresser, clothes, change pad, etc. etc. etc. The list looms and I am so unmotivated. Then I feel guilty because the poor kids are watching way too much TV while we do all this work around the house and I just want to spend my last few days with them, having fun, making memories. Great, their last memory of me could be me yelling at them to go downstairs so I can clean the kitchen or go play in their rooms. Sigh.
The surgery is scheduled for 8am Friday, November 29th. I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 am for prep and pre-surgery (inserting the catheters/balloons, IV's, arterial lines, etc.) I am not sure how much we will be updating everyone that day as it just me and Jonathan. He'll be so busy just dealing with the baby and me. Ill try to get someone to update my Facebook page once we are a bit settled and on the maternity ward. Tonight, I do 10 loads of laundry, then have a long bath. Tomorrow is another day, with another list, and another opportunity to make the best of a day when I am healthy and feeling good. Those days will not be here for much longer. Prayers are much appreciated. For strength for this little one, that she does remarkably well and surprises everyone and comes home EARLY. That she is big and healthy and breathes on her own and doesn't need interventions and IVs. For me, that I have strength to say goodbye to my kids. To get done what I need to get done. For faith, for hope. With my history I doubt, I stress, I worry that everything is going to go wrong and I am going to die on that table. That everything would go smoothly and no "worst case scenarios" happen. And for Jonathan, that he would have the strength to go through this. My c-section with Malakai was so traumatic for him, Aliyah's birth and fearing I would die was hell to put him through. And now he is going to have to leave me, with our daughter, knowing that the hardest part is yet to come and he won't know what is going on. That God would just draw close to him and give him faith and peace.
This will likely be the last update until after D day, so keep a watch on our Facebook pages for more tidbits, or Sonia's or Jessica's. Thanks for reading, for your thoughts and encouragement and prayers.
31 weeks increta
Thursday, November 7, 2013
This week has been one of my most challenging weeks. Mentally it is all just starting to sink in. This is happening. This is reality. I have three weeks until D-day. I don't feel ready. It feels surreal. We don't have any names, even a list made up. My house is destroyed, my to-do list still sitting on my fridge.
This week I have been sick, I have had horrible carpal tunnel and tennis elbow (in both of my arms), my back is so sore I can hardly move (something due to the way I sleep but no real way around that), constant 10 minute apart braxton hicks contractions that are increasingly painful, etc. I had an appointment on Monday which showed that my BP is doing fantastic. Good news! And I had my IV iron infusion this week. What should have been four hours turned into 8, so it was a long day. I had a reaction to the iron so they had to stop for a while, and give me Benadryl. They gave me a strong dose through my IV line and it was so excruciatingly painful. Within minutes all my veins were red and streaking up my arms and for two hours they were so sore. Then of course I was sleepy and drugged out, but stuck sitting in a chair for 8 hours, trying to sleep, trying to get comfortable. It was a sucky day and all I can say is that I am glad it is over.
Today I feel like I have been hit by a bus, all my muscles are so sore, my arm is bruised all the way up and throbbing, I feel weak and exhausted. The iron infusion still takes about a week to two to be converted into iron stores. So I won't feel any effects from the increase in hemoglobin for a while. In the meantime we are getting ready for our next round of appointments in Vancouver starting next week. We leave Monday for an MRI, anaesthetic consult, interventional radiology consult, ultrasound, and OB appt. My answering machine is filling up with nurses, doctors, hospitals calling to book me in for my surgery on the 29th. As long as all is well next week I will be home for one more week before heading back down for D-day. Pretty much that leaves me with less than two weeks at home. Jonathan and I are debating packing up the kids and running away in our trailer ;) It feels so strange to plan all this out, sign all your forms and consent to cut you open when you don't feel like there is anything wrong with you.
Needless to say, another week down, a few more weeks to go. I am keeping my eyes open for a laptop to take down with me. Something I can blog on, go on the internet, do my school reporting etc. Hopefully I won't be too out of the loop. We'll update everyone after all these appointments next week, we are hoping to be back on Thursday and should have a better idea of what is going on after the MRI. As always, your prayers are coveted as we tackle this home stretch. Caleb is having a really hard time with all of this. With me having surgery, needles, being away for so long. He gets very emotional whenever we talk about it and I am beginning to pray for strength for my kiddos as we enter this transitional time in our lives.
Until next time…
This week I have been sick, I have had horrible carpal tunnel and tennis elbow (in both of my arms), my back is so sore I can hardly move (something due to the way I sleep but no real way around that), constant 10 minute apart braxton hicks contractions that are increasingly painful, etc. I had an appointment on Monday which showed that my BP is doing fantastic. Good news! And I had my IV iron infusion this week. What should have been four hours turned into 8, so it was a long day. I had a reaction to the iron so they had to stop for a while, and give me Benadryl. They gave me a strong dose through my IV line and it was so excruciatingly painful. Within minutes all my veins were red and streaking up my arms and for two hours they were so sore. Then of course I was sleepy and drugged out, but stuck sitting in a chair for 8 hours, trying to sleep, trying to get comfortable. It was a sucky day and all I can say is that I am glad it is over.
Today I feel like I have been hit by a bus, all my muscles are so sore, my arm is bruised all the way up and throbbing, I feel weak and exhausted. The iron infusion still takes about a week to two to be converted into iron stores. So I won't feel any effects from the increase in hemoglobin for a while. In the meantime we are getting ready for our next round of appointments in Vancouver starting next week. We leave Monday for an MRI, anaesthetic consult, interventional radiology consult, ultrasound, and OB appt. My answering machine is filling up with nurses, doctors, hospitals calling to book me in for my surgery on the 29th. As long as all is well next week I will be home for one more week before heading back down for D-day. Pretty much that leaves me with less than two weeks at home. Jonathan and I are debating packing up the kids and running away in our trailer ;) It feels so strange to plan all this out, sign all your forms and consent to cut you open when you don't feel like there is anything wrong with you.
Needless to say, another week down, a few more weeks to go. I am keeping my eyes open for a laptop to take down with me. Something I can blog on, go on the internet, do my school reporting etc. Hopefully I won't be too out of the loop. We'll update everyone after all these appointments next week, we are hoping to be back on Thursday and should have a better idea of what is going on after the MRI. As always, your prayers are coveted as we tackle this home stretch. Caleb is having a really hard time with all of this. With me having surgery, needles, being away for so long. He gets very emotional whenever we talk about it and I am beginning to pray for strength for my kiddos as we enter this transitional time in our lives.
Until next time…
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