Finding Contentment

With a click of a button, I feel a thrill go through me. I am happy. And it was so, so easy. You see, I have just purchased something online. It took only a few minutes. I found a good deal, something I wanted, no wait... needed, and bought it. Just like that!

Disappointingly, I realize I will now have to wait for it to arrive. And so I waste more time searching for the next "needed item".

No, I do not have a problem. But I will admit that I enjoy shopping! And the online variety is the most dangerous kind. You see, it is all done on credit, it doesn't feel real. And it is only after the packages start to arrive that you realize how much you spent, and on what.

I have been shopping lately. I bought our homeschool books online, ordered our pictures online, a photo album online, etc. However, if there is anything I am realizing with shopping, it is that I am never content. There is always more.  We don't have one bookshelf in our house, we need that right? I need a new piano light, we need blinds for the kids' rooms, new floors, a new camera. The problem is that these are legitimate needs. To an extent. They are items to which we can live without, however they are items that are important to us and have a purpose. It is far too easy to justify needing something and buying it. But what is a need?

A couple of weeks ago, before any of my online orders came in, I experienced a moment of pure contentment. I would say I don't know where it came from, but I know it came from God. For just one brief moment, I knew what the Bible was talking about... I knew what I wanted to attain. The pure peace, joy, and contentment that can only be found through Jesus. I can't express how happy I was. I saw life as it was, I saw the blessings that are my children and, the books I had coming in, the new opportunities awaiting me. And I was so happy. So content to just be in this stage of my life. And then I forgot about it and it passed. I got impatient waiting for my books and depressed myself with all the things I didn't have.

Here is the truth: we create the discontent and depression we feel most of the time. We start by buying something because we want it, or doing something because we want to... and the feeling doesn't last. We are only happy for a moment and then a sucking vortex of wanting starts to pull us under. Once we make that initial step, satan steps up and grabs hold of our hearts and minds. He gives us obsessive thoughts, he helps us to justify things, he surrounds us with feelings of doubt, unhappiness, depression, disappointment, and dissatisfaction. The way I have been feeling lately is not from me, it is a direct attack from the devil, and I have been just sitting back and letting it happen.

As I went for my walk this morning, in the rain I might add, I prayed that God would help be to be content. I have so much to be thankful for. God is so good! I know that this too, will not last. Pretty soon my human nature and satan's lies will start to penetrate the holy spirit's reassurances and I will be back in the black hole of the world. However, I also know that if I remember to every day ask God to be my hope, to be my strength, to be my unending joy, that He will provide. And once again I will be wanting for nothing.