Slowly Going Crazy

Or quickly going crazy. Sigh. These last few days have been the epitome of challenging. With rain and being stuck in the house, Jonathan working overtime and hardly around, and my own personal lack of sleep... we've been in for a round of profound impatience on my part. The only thing that is getting me through the long days is going for my walks/runs in the morning and praying for an extra measure of grace and patience with my family for that day. I cannot imagine having another child right now, this is when it starts to get interesting!

Malakai is officially not a newborn anymore. He was my "newborn" for the longest. Just laid there, smiled, was content and happy, slept a lot. Over this last week, it has changed overnight. He kicks and squeals, is starting to roll, grabbing for toys, trying to sit more, babbling, crying, wanting to be held and interacted with... it is the battle I wage between loving this stage and missing the old. My little boy is growing up.

Selah is, as I write, putting all her stuffed animals and toys on the naughty chair. Telling them to "look at me" and "are you happy?" she asks in her most stern, adult-voice. She is my jeckle and hyde. One minute she will be the cutest, most cheerful girl in the room, the next she is screaming and throwing a complete fit on the floor. Sigh. If I had to rate my children on their level of difficulty, without a doubt she is my most challenging child at this point. She pushes me and battles me to the bitter end. "Are you happy?" I will ask her. "No, nnn." She'll pull away and scowl and fight, knowing she will be put on timeout for it. Some days I feel like that is all I do, battle with my daughter. Anyone who said that girls are easy as babies was dead wrong!

Caleb can be so well behaved. For him, the tantrums are a thing of the past. He understands more, I can reason with him, explain things to him. However, the attitude he has started to rear astounds me. He talks back to me like children I have judged my whole life. "Don't talk to me!" "Go away mom!" "Stop it mom" "Don't touch me!" etc. etc. etc. I spend my days with a large "excuse me?!?!?!?!" on my lips, as he sasses me like nothing I have ever heard. Oy vey. Just when they grow out of something and seem to be doing better, they adopt a new behavioural issue to deal with.

Needless to say, I am tired. I am worn down day by day. Each day feels like a battleground, and I am so weary of battle. Maybe that is why God asked us to put on the armor of God, I always viewed it as defense against the enemy. Now I wonder if it isn't as simple as defense for your day. Faith and truth and the word of God. I NEED the word of God to give me the strength I need for each day. Sigh. Well, until another day.