Life at 23 weeks

I wasn't going to post until after my appointments this week, but with coffee in hand, kids playing quietly downstairs, and a freshly immunized girl of misery sleeping off her fever in her crib... I felt compelled to write this morning.

I turned on the heat this morning. *GASP! My husband would be mortified, but it was so chilly in here, my feet were cold, a sweater wasn't cutting it, and so our little furnace got a rude awakening after so long in disuse. Aliyah had her shots yesterday, they were definitely the worst ones yet, 3. I couldn't bear to give her chicken pox. Four is just too many. Then I came home and started researching immunizations and started panicking that my daughter was going to get autism or febrile seizures or encephalitis. At first, with family who have had adverse reactions to immunizations, I was completely against them. But Jonathan was on the other end of the spectrum and so we decided to give our kids most of their shots. His reasoning is that he is in contact with so many people, bodily fluids, etc. Our kids are naturally going to be more exposed. I saw the wisdom in that. Over time I have given them more and more and now the only one they haven't had is their varicella (chicken pox). Yesterday I felt like God just asked me to trust him with this.

There are two camps, the immunization camp who feels VERY strongly and judges anyone who does not. And the Anti-immunization who is on the other end of the planet on this matter it seems. I now stand in the middle. I think there is truth to the research linking autism to immunizations. I have been reading these studies and they are legitimate. I also know that some of these diseases kill and it would be devastating to have your child contract one and die and blame yourself the rest of your life. If I had to do it all over again, I honestly might have not immunized. But now that we have walked this path I do feel a peace that if God can protect my children from disease, he can protect them from their immunizations and adverse reactions. He has a plan not only for me, but for my children, and I have to trust him to complete that plan. Needless to say, I have some research and praying to do before number five comes along and I am getting calls from the health clinic again.

Today we pack up for Vancouver. We have been so blessed to have Matthew and Sonia offer to take our kids for the day. We are going to sleep over at their house, leave really early in the morning for our appointments and drive back as soon as they are done. It is going to be a long day, but it will save us money on a hotel and food, and at least the kids won't have to go through all that sitting. I have a TON to do. I still wanted to do a bit of school this morning, my house is somehow yet again destroyed. I have kind of taken a break from routine and schedule this week to get caught up on some sewing projects. And as always when I am not on top of this house like a drill sergeant... it falls to pieces. So really what this post is doing, is allowing me to procrastinate my to-do list for five more minutes ;)

It has been a good week, we have been getting some stuff done that has been looming over my head for a while. Baby is active, although as dainty as can be. I don't remember the other kids being so dainty. She is like a little doll, blooping around inside of me. I know she can kick hard, from the few ceremonial sucker punches I receive, but they are so rare I can count them on one hand. She mostly just moves, maybe we have a little ballerina in there. Graceful, calm, and smooth. I could handle that. We could use a little grace and calm around this house ;)

I am REALLY looking forward to appointment day tomorrow. I have so many questions from last time, I am going to be asking for a referral on as well as to bump up the date of the MRI. I am not looking forward to pushing this wonderfully nice doctor, but I am determined I have to do what is best for not only me, but the baby as well. I am hoping we get some more answers, that the ultrasound gives us a better indication of what is going on. All the uncertainty and reading all the horror stories has my back up against a wall and I feel like I am ready to know where I stand on the "scale of doom". I am also thrilled Jonathan will get to be in these appointments with me. I hate telling him second hand. He can ask questions, hear details I might miss, and just be there to hold my hand.

I will update you all as soon as we know more information, or as soon as we are recovered from our busy week ;) Hope you enjoy your fall day wherever you are. Light a candle, have a coffee, read a book. I am on to my daunting to do list.