What a week! What a month really. Filled with screaming children, tantrums, spontaneous tears, whining, fussing, kids pulling at my legs, etc. etc. etc. And I am loathe to remind myself that this will be the next 2 (at least) years of my life. If there is anything my short experience at motherhood has taught me, it is that there is no right answer. Every child is different, every parent is different, and every situation is different. But this does not stop me from being overcome by the "mother guilt" every once in a while. Take my son for example, this teething thing is becoming the excuse of the century, and I now have no idea what to do. Is he really teething, or is he just over-tired, perhaps I put him to bed too early, or maybe he had a bad dream. Do I give him tylenol, or am I just over-drugging a kid that doesn't need it???? And round and round I go. Then there is my daughter, an even bigger enigma. I feed her, and feed her and feed her, and still she wants more. She is not gaining as much as she should and so I have doctors breathing down my neck to switch to formula. That is all fine and dandy for them, but my little girl wouldn't dream of letting a bottle or the wretched taste of formula anywhere NEAR her queenly little mouth. Oh dear, now what? I feed her solid food twice a day and try to rest and drink lots of fluid to increase my milk supply... it is an ongoing, continuous, constant case of nerves. Is she getting enough? What do I do? How can I increase my milk? etc. etc. etc.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, and I suppose if it didn't come with challenges, I would get bored much to easily. But that doesn't stop me from being bombarded with the question I ask myself EVERY DAY..... what now?
My dear husband hears a squeak out of our children and the first adoring words out of his mouth are: "what do they want?" As if I would know. I must admit that I have been known to throw my hands up in the air, and walk away, adamately declaring, "I don't know, you deal with it." This is a wonderful approach to my temporary lack of sanity, until minutes later I hear my children still crying and my husband standing in the same spot as he has NO idea what do do. Sigh, mom is back on the job. I suppose I will never get to renounce my duties. I will always be the one with the "collossal answer", even when I feel as though there is no answer. And so it is that I find myself time and time again calling out to God for answers. It is with great regret that I admit that he is often my last resort, and because of that, I believe that I miss out on much wisdom. However, he is always faithful to me, and even if the answer to my question is "go with your gut" or "trust me" or simply "do nothing, wait" there is always an answer, if I simply seek it. And so,dear reader, I am not a perfect parent, FAR FROM IT! But I get my tips and tricks from the best parent there is, and it is through Him that I will press on to my goal.
Happy parenting!
You are not alone Becca!!! I have gone through the same struggles. Although mine has changed from why are they crying, to what's the most effective way to discipline...there's one thing that hasn't changed...there's still no right answer...and what answer there is is usually different for each child! Thankfully, God knows we're not perfect & He can still use us to raise our kids to follow Him! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteHow old is Selah now? I had to stop nursing Benjamin when he was 9 months old because I just plain ran out of milk. I started noticing it around 6 months & tried everything to try & produce more & nothing worked. I beat myself up about it for a long time, feeling like I wasn't giving him the best I could. I finally realized that I had given him 9 months of breastfeeding & that was a huge boost for him! When the same thing happened with both Amanda & Kirby at 6 months I realized I should not be feeling guilty about it or stressing about it...I can only do what I can do. Both of them only breastfed for about 6 months. Do I wish I could have gone longer? Absolutely! But at the same time I know that I was able to breastfeed them for the most crucial first months of their lives. All that to say, don't feel guilty...you have done your part...only God knows just how our bodies work:)
Hey Becca! I feel like I am going through a bit of the same thing right now with Max... he seems to be hungry a lot and I don't feel like I am making enough milk for him. He hasn't seen a doctor since he was 2 months old but I am pretty sure they would think he is too skinny because he does not have an ounce of fat anywhere. But, he has always seemed healthy to me so I have not worried about it. But, now that it feels like he is not getting enough food I am a little worried because he doesn't have very much to loose. Anyways... I am not sure yet what I will do but you are not alone! I am joining you in the "what the heck do we do now" motherhood situation. Let me know if you figure it out! :)
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