Mental Recall

The Holidays... a time for rest and relaxation; fellowship with family and friends. A mental marker, if you will, of the passage of time. This marks our third Christmas as a married couple, our second with children, our first with Selah. It was mind boggling to watch our son, who was little more than a cheery presence last year, rip open gifts with the tenacity of a one-year-old. Screaming outrageously when our attentions were not focused on him, and participating in the festivities for the first time. My thoughts are so scattered right now, I hardly know where to begin. We spent Christmas alone this year, and I must admit, it was a very liberating experience. No people to visit, nothing pressing to do, just waking up and being together as a family. Forging our own traditions and making our own memories. Shortly after Christmas, we had Jonathan's brother and sister-in-law come out for almost a week. And I am more determined and excited than ever to move and be closer to the family that we hold so dear. For the first time in a long time, I had someone to visit with. The kids were happily occupied as they were busy observing their cousins theatrics! Everything was less of a chore and more of a opportunity to catch up, and watching them leave I was almost lost in a feeling of emptiness. Waking up in the morning was no longer as enjoyable, as I was greeted by the screeches of my boy as he adamantly proclaimed his needs and desires. There is no longer a pressing reason to clean my house, or even get dressed in the morning, other than my own sense of accomplishment and obligation. And as I sat there, feeling sorry for myself, I was struck anew by the realization that this is life. And the challenge is not living it day-by-day, rather it is in finding joy and satisfaction in the little things. And so it was, that I bathed my kids last night, side-by-side for the first time. And watched in wonder and sheer awe as Caleb crawled from his big bath, to sit with Selah in the baby bath. He helped wash her hair, give her his toys, and play with her feet as he has seen me do time and time again. And watching her grin at her big brother in complete adoration, I thought "this is it". This is the reason I get up in the morning. It doesn't matter if I do it alone, I do it for them. And I reap so much in the process!

So am I lonely and missing my family? Yes. But I persevere in the knowledge that one day I will be closer. Until then, I find fulfillment in the job that God has given me to do... and am rewarded by a smile or a kiss, or better yet... my children smiling and kissing each other. What more could I ask for????

Happy Holidays!