Just out of my reach! Letting go of expectations.

Today, I had a meltdown. Don't you lie to me! I can just picture you starting to put on the passive mask of indifference "oh really, a meltdown? That's too bad!" You know what I'm talking about... that day when all the little things that drive you crazy throughout the days/weeks/months come to a head and you lose it. It may be exploding in frustration, or crying into the porridge, or locking yourself into the school room with your coffee to "breathe". Or, if you were me today, all of the above.

I woke up early, good start! I felt good, not my usual exhausted self. I had coffee, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen. It was 8am when everything started to deteriorate. It's the little things, throwing a load in the laundry and realizing that the dirty clothes have mixed with the clean clothes and laundry is all of a sudden doubled for the day. Then moving on to the school room to discover the kids got in to make you a "special craft" and it is utterly destroyed (as was my sanity at that point). After cleaning that up, I attempted to make an early lunch and all my kitchen cupboards had lost any semblance of the order they had been arranged in just a few weeks past. And I lost it. I vented frustration to the kids for not helping out, then I kicked them outside to finish lunch and cried into the muffin tins (a little extra salty tang in those bran muffins today). Then I took my sacred coffee to the sanctity of my school room and locked myself away, where I tried to understand the total spiral the day had taken. And to be brutally honest, I didn't get very far. But here are some of my many scattered thoughts.

It's just out of my reach: the answer.

That right curriculum that will work for the kids, for me, and fill all the gaps. The routine that will help me manage my home and build healthy habits to be more organized and on top of things. The ability to get up early and wear anything without an elastic waistband. I spend all my time searching for the answer to my problems, trying to find a way OUT of them, to fix them because I feel like if I don't I will crumble under the weight of my failure. But the alternative, letting go, seems just as unattainable to me.

The best I can figure is it has to be somewhere in between. Feeling like I can't operate in a disorganized mess, that's part of who I am. Letting go of that is just not in my make up. I really do think it is key to having a more successful day. However, finding that system, those bins, that bookshelf, that curriculum, to make our home schooling days idyllic... maybe that is not as practical of an expectation. Trying to blend my teaching style with 4 different children's learning styles, with four different levels, with everyone needing my help and only one of me... severely limits what kind of program I can do. It may not be the perfect fit for me or the kids, but it might be the only thing that works in our family until they can do their work more independently. And although getting up and doing my face and hair is a nice goal, I have to give myself grace for those rough nights or those mornings (um, seems to be every morning) when the alarm makes me want to crawl in a cave.

I have to change what I can realistically change in my environment, routine, supplies but also learn how to let go of "perfect".

A true perfectionist can look like a total slob. They are the ones who have the Martha Stewart meal in the oven with their perfectly organized bins and vintage dress and hairstyle one day, but the other 9 days you see them they are a total mess. The reason for this is that if they can't do it PERFECT, they don't do it at all. Anything less is unacceptable. And this is the hardest thing for me to let go of, being willing to do my best in the moment rather than living in extremes.

Well, dear reader, after this highly unpredictable day I can say that I finally do have the answer. I have found that perfect balance, I have written it down in a ten step plan for success that will revolutionize my home and create perfectly balanced children!

1. Wake up: time is not important, the important thing is that you got out of bed this morning! Give yourself a pat on the back and a verbal expression of your overall awesomeness

2. Start thinking about dinner, for TOMORROW: if you start thinking about dinner by 7am today, you are pretty much guaranteed to have an idea of what you want to make by the time 4:00 rolls around tomorrow! 

3. Shower: even if you look like a total hag afterwards, the important thing is that you will FEEL like you accomplished something and you are taking an important step forward into your day.

4. Eat a balanced breakfast: what you eat is completely inconsequential, but be sure to drink your daily allotment of caffeine, your kids will thank you!

5. Make it Fun! Dance and sing as often as you can for the kids, then if the day is a total bust and nothing gets accomplished, the kids will still think it was an epic day.

6. Make a very long list of embarrassingly simple tasks: ie. change the baby's diaper, make lunch, turn on the coffee maker, etc. Checking off each item will make you feel accomplished and give you a positive outlook on the day.

7. MUSIC: turn on inspiring and/or fast paced music loudly and often. This will help motivate you or at the least make you think about being motivated in a fond manner. In the very least, the neighbors will think you are doing something productive with all that Katy Perry. "Baby you're a firework!"

8. Blog: writing about your thoughts and dreams, although not actually doing them, is an excellent way to keep them in the forefront of your mind so you can do them another day.

9. Update social media: Take pictures and selfies each time you accomplish something in order to post them to social media sites throughout the day. Each virtual thumbs up you receive will make you feel like a winner and help validate you as a mother, homemaker, and woman. Try not to think about the time you are wasting doing this simple practice, soon it will become a complete habit and you won't even know you are doing it.

10. Lastly, if all else fails... do a ten minute tidy up before hubby gets home from work. Men are notoriously blind to detail and they will think you have had a very productive day. Fake it until you make it right?

Ok, so polite chuckles aside, I do NOT have the answer. Life never lets you get too comfortable and just when you start to think you have it, there's a new dynamic to adjust to. However, I feel like I have some understanding and will be working very hard to be more realistic with my expectations for myself, my home, homeschooling, etc.

Signing out!

Caleb the Keener

Today Caleb exclaimed from the living room "mom! Seagulls are mating!" I ran over to see what he was talking about, mildly concerned, only to see seagulls flying over the beach down the road.

I asked him how he knew this and he went on to explain that he had watched a documentary about birds, and they were going to lay their eggs now.

Gosh this kid.

When trying to find a fun picture that expressed Caleb, I came across this video. Nothing could describe him better.

He is so smart, so strong, so bold and courageous and mature and responsible. He is the enforcer, always concerned that everyone is doing what they should and no one is being hurt. He tries SO HARD to be funny, but lacks the natural hilarity of Selah and Malakai. But thats him, always trying his best. Caleb the keener, the people pleaser.


Man I love this kid!

Hidden Treasures

I think we have established the complete and total racetrack of my days. Because of this general speed of light that I operate at, I find I often miss those little moments. Those hidden treasures that I feel like God has placed throughout my day to give me glimpses of heaven. 

Anyone read 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp? If not, stop reading this blog and go out and purchase it ASAP, borrow it from your local library, buy it on your kindle, borrow it from a friend. GET THIS BOOK! It is so well written, so poetic, so beautiful, and it helps to put life into perspective. 

She starts seeing the gifts that are in her everyday, the gifts she misses. She starts being thankful for everything. The way the light reflects off the soap bubbles as she does the dishes kind of everything. I need some of that thankfulness and perspective in my life. So today, when I was working at the computer and heard my four year old worshiping at the top of his lungs, I grabbed my phone and snuck in for a close encounter. 

What a gift! Especially when he wasn't preforming, he didn't even know I was there. He was just rocking out with Jesus. I was so blessed to see this. Tempted to think "phew, at least I am doing something right" but really, it isn't me. I can't take the credit for this. This moment my four year old is having all on his own, thats God. That's God answering my deepest prayer, to meet with my kids. To be real to them. To show himself to them in a real and tangible way that their faith would truly be THEIRS even at this young age.

So instead I thank God, that even when I fail, even when I miss those moments, he is faithful. Faithful to fill in the many gaps I leave behind.

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

Hippie Homeschoolers: WHY?!?!?!?

For those of you who don't know, I homeschool our kids. You might wonder WHY, and I'm going to tell you. A lot of my reasons come from personal experience.

I was home schooled along with my siblings. In my growing up years there were four of us, really close in age, and we all did school together. I tried school out for half of grade 2, for grade 6, and again in high school. It was nothing special and I hated it. I LOVED being home schooled. My family were my best friends. I built relationships with them that I would never have had otherwise. I was a homebody and I never felt uncomfortable or pressured or awkward at home. I never felt judged or unsure of myself or stupid. I felt SAFE. Every day. I could wear what I wanted to wear without a second thought, I could make mistakes, I could learn what I wanted to learn about, and I got to do it alongside people who loved me. It was one of the great highlights of my childhood. The school part came easy to me, I ended up advancing two grades by the time high school came around. I went to our local high school and graduated when I had just turned 16 years old! I hope you don't think me conceited when I say that we were all very mature for our age. I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that instead of being put in a fish bowl of only children our own age growing up (which is unnatural when you think about the real world AFTER high school), we learned to communicate and express ourselves and be comfortable around people of all ages.

When Jonathan and I first got married, we talked a lot about homeschooling. He thought public school was fine, I mean he turned out okay! (thats debatable ;) We debated back and forth. But it all changed when he started working more closely with the schools around us. By the time our kids were old enough to really start thinking about school, he was the complete opposite. He has become my strongest supporter, my biggest advocate. On the days when I question if we are doing the right thing or if I can handle this, he keeps me going and reminds me why we do this. He is passionate about our decision to homeschool and does what he can to support the decision (because in the end, it is ME that does it).

So that leaves us with my own reasons why, other than the fact that I loved it and saw the benefits of it personally. Do I think they get a better education one on one instead of in a classroom ratio of 1:24? Yes. Do I think they are building closer relationships with their siblings and with us? Yes. But those aren't my primary reasons. I think my kids will thrive in the school system. They will love it. And school is less about the education as much as it is about learning how to learn and developing a love for it. In light of that, my decision is based on the here and now, elementary school, the early years. In their day to day environment, my kids don't ever have to feel dumb, inadequate, unsure of themselves, embarrassed, self conscious, bullied, unsafe, or confused. They are comfortable 100% of the time. They are safe and secure in who they are and are free to express themselves in any way without fear of rebuttal or what people will think of them. Does this mean I protect my kids from the real world? Absolutely not! At this age, they still experience all those things in various groups or outings. Such as group classes they are involved in, friendships outside of our family, church, heck even the playground! They have felt bullied or dealt with kids that they just didn't know how to handle. They have dealt with peer pressure and been embarrassed or unsure of themselves. That is life, that is childhood. But it is not in their face every single day. And because of this, they are incredibly sure of themselves and self-confident.

Another primary reason we choose to homeschool is to ground our children in their faith. To give them time to form roots, ask questions, experience it for themselves before they go into a school environment where it becomes a religious vacuum. Not just the basics of our faith, but our values. In this day and age, everything is under re-evaluation, including basics like gender. I am all for gender equality, but now we are transitioning to the gender spectrum. There are no more boy and girl, that just creates confusion and stigma. Now there is a spectrum and your child is free to explore where they fit on that spectrum. You don't want to go to the "boys" bathroom? Then go where you feel comfortable! This is approved and being implemented in schools across BC. I want to teach my children MY values, not the governments. I want to instil what I believe, I want them to be confident in who they were created to be, a boy or a girl. Not told that those don't exist. This is one of my primary reasons for homeschooling, our values, our faith, these not only will not be taught in the public school setting but they won't be accepted. Where does that leave my children? Caught in between two opposing worlds?

Now for the disclaimer to calm everyones nerves: I know that most people don't homeschool and I don't want you to think I judge you AT ALL. If you knew how many times I had considered just putting them in for a year, you would know this. Homeschooling is our journey, it is our choice. We do it because we have a list a mile long full of reasons that just haven't changed at this point for us. However, it is HARD. It is a huge sacrifice. I am so jealous of all the mommas out there who take their little ones to school and drop them off! And like I said, I think my kids would love school and will, when the time comes. I don't think we will homeschool forever. I have plenty of teacher friends and I respect what they do and I don't think school is "evil" in any way. However, let me ask you this, do you judge me?

Bedtime Battles

Who doesn't love a funny story? Especially when pertaining to family life. We can all relate to them, picture ourselves in them, and appreciate them. They make us feel a little bit warmer inside when we look at our own chaos and realize we're not alone, or better yet, not as bad as we thought.

So, dear readers, I am going to give you a big case of the warm fuzzies. You are going to walk away from your computer and face your world with a new sense of accomplishment and purpose. So pour yourself some creamer with a side of coffee and enjoy the ride.

Bedtime has become the most dreaded hour, nay 3 hours, in my day. I used to look forward to bedtime, yearn for it, count down the seconds until that blessed hour. Now I cringe when the clock says 6:30, I don't know if I am ready for this. Maybe I need a glass of wine before I start this war. I mean, come on people, its one against 5! I'm outnumbered, outmanoeuvred and simply put, outLASTED every darned night. By the time they finally submit, I raised the white flag an hour before. I have tried EVERY. LIVING. THING to get them to sleep. Routines, bath times with lavender, sitting outside their doors with the door open, switching beds around. The only thing that has had some semblance of success is the separation policy. Divide and conquer right? Each kid in their own room. The problem is that my house becomes a casualty of war and I can't go into any room in my home where there isn't a sleeping child to disturb. And honestly, my older three kids know better!

It didn't used to be like this. Bedtime used to be fairly simple. I don't know if it is having 3 kids in one room that has tipped the scales (who can sleep with that adorable squealing little girl vying for their attention???) or if it is just blatant disrespect. You might be thinking that 7pm is too early for bedtime, I have even been willing to concede on this point. I let Caleb and Selah stay up until 8 reading quietly in their room. It doesn't stop the complete and total gong show that is happening in the other room and "quietly" is open to interpretation on their behalf.

Aliyah still needs naps, but not every day. The days that she naps, there is NO way she goes to bed before about 10pm. She then keeps up Malakai and Janiah. Malakai just plays off the girls, enjoying every moment of this fun game in the girls room (we moved him from Calebs room in hopes of a better nights sleep, ha!). Janiah wakes up whenever we move one of our separation victims back in at 9 or 10pm and plays for a good hour thus waking up the others all over again.

Am I losing you yet? I think I lost myself a long time ago. We need more rooms in our house! I have a foamie permanently set up in my living room right now, seriously! I just explain to our guests that we are having bedtime battles right now. Yaaaaaa, they get it right????

Sigh, who am I kidding? We need to find something that works and soon! At this point I am ready to move caleb and selah into the laundry room and Janiah in by herself. I am so ready to just lay my kids down to sleep and have them…. wait for it…. OBEY! So ready for the whining all day long to stop because my kids are getting proper rest.

So this morning, think about how your bedtimes are going. I can almost guarantee they are going better than mine. And as you sip that warm, steaming coffee or tea in your hands, may the story of my nightly battles bring you a little smile and a proverbial pat on the back. You got this! I mean, as long as you are doing better than me, you got this ;)

Signing out

Half-eaten Pizza and Water Puddles

There are sippy cups strewn throughout my home, tipped up on one end as they leak their contents onto my floor. Poor Caleb just slipped on one of these said "water puddles" and we got to enjoy a moment of drama from one of my very dramatic children, much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth ensued. How is it that without even having time to absorb Jonathan and my own dramatic inclinations, they genetically just ARE dramatic, all on their own?!?!?!?! I mean, all 5 of them! 

Anyhow, I digress. The real focus on this little "rant" is my kitchen. I have had a migraine today, those usually don't come very often but it was a whopper. I was pretty much completely useless, laying around in fits of pain and nausea. Jonathan was a trooper and made a feast for lunch, two of them actually. Revamped pizza (he makes the frozen ones taste homemade) and thai lettuce wraps. Yum. I then had a nice little cat nap after lunch. Hey, wait a minute, I got my Sunday day of rest just a day late! But upon entering my kitchen this late afternoon, the sight that I behold is enough to make me want to pack up the kids and go for a long long drive. Preferably somewhere clean where meals are provided. Any takers?

You may think I am exaggerating, but I am going to lay down my pride and show you a little snapshot of my kitchen chaos at the moment. Brace yourselves:

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I guess now that I see it on this page, it isn't as bad as it is in my mind. But it is now 4:00 pm, I have NO plans for dinner (leftovers anyone?) I have whiny kids who I neglected all day while I recovered and top it all off with a house to clean. Lets not even mention the 8 loads of laundry that are waiting to be dealt with. The migraine is still reverberating  in my scalp and I would be perfectly content with taking this broken down body back to the sweet escape of my blankets. But alas, Jonathan is back and work and there is no one to tag team with me. So… what am I sitting around here for? 

I guess because when I see the to do list sitting in front of me, it always makes more sense to write about it than to actually do it. Procrastination at its finest people. 

Time to kick this butt into gear. ;) 

My Sunday Mistake

Today, I tried to have a nap. Why did I do that? With 5 kids you would think I had accepted the fact that those days are behind me. But in my everlasting state of exhaustion, I missed Sunday naps so bad today I couldn't resist the call of sweet sweet slumber. So I fed all the kids, got them watching a show, and poof! dreamland. It was epic, for the whole 10 minutes that it lasted. I was just breaking the surface of complete and total oblivion when "mom" collided with crying collided with "NO" at my door. With a sleeping night shift zombie beside me and a napping baby at the next door, I bounded out of bed a giant leap before my poor addled brain, to deal with the crisis at hand. After settling the drama, I forced myself to close the door to my room with a sense of finality accompanying the click and trudged to the kitchen. Here I sit, popping potty treat jelly beans like an addict to try to propel my lethargy to a general plateau of human existence. I don't even like these things! But its sugar or a giant pot of coffee, and Im sure the caffeine will not be appreciated in about 7 hours. The only thing that keeps resounding in my head is "WHY DID I DO THAT?!?!?!?!" Do I feel any better? NO! I feel worse, so so much worse. Tired beyond repair, frustrated, foggy, and just generally grumpy. The wrong side of the bed… I live over here right now. Who came up with that anyways? "Did you wake up one the wrong side of the bed???" Seriously, what is the RIGHT side? Because I can't seem to find it.  Every side I manage to clamber out of leaves me feeling incomplete, unrested, NOT READY to face the day. Deep breaths.

It's Sunday, the day of rest. Ha! My sour sense of humour mocks me with the reminder that with young children, it's really quite the opposite. Instead of staying in our pyjamas, doing school, relaxing all day. We have to wake up early, get everyone ready to go, pack up the van, show up late to church, try to keep everyone from becoming wild monkeys at the sight of other children to romp around with, just to pack them all back in and drive home. In a state of complete desperation everyone is hungry, tired, grumpy from a full week. No, Sunday is more like crazy day. I have tried to impose quiet time, put everyone downstairs, talk about how they need to stay down there. But when you put 4 kids in the same room, aged 2-7… who am I kidding?

The little angel on my shoulder reminds me that I went to church, listened to a nice sermon, I should be spiritually renewed and ready to face another week. But the OTHER me, the more skeptical, pessimistic side, laughs at the high hopes of a peaceful, encouraging Sunday. And reminds me that one day, in about 5-7 years, I can hope to have a relaxing Sunday come our way. Until then, buckle up my bootstraps, stop eating candy for pete's sake, and get going. Life doesn't stop for nothing around here, my biggest mistake was hoping for it.

From a jaded realist…. I truly hope that your Sunday has been more restful than mine. And if you have young children and your hubby is busy today: for heavens sake…. DON'T TRY TO NAP!!!! ;)

Diagnosed with Increta: 22 weeks

Well this week was full of the remainder of our vacation, getting home and settling back in, getting ready for school, etc. We have done a LOT of talking, a lot of praying, a lot of research, and getting familiar with what we will be doing the most of.... waiting. We will hopefully be getting referred to an OB here in Kamloops to monitor our care in between by appointments in Vancouver. We are starting to make our lists of questions for next time and considering asking for a referral up despite how much I liked our OB in Vancouver. At this point its just a lot of questions and not much we can do about it. We got a call with our appointment times on September 19th which we will be looking forward to if for no other reason than to start working through the whirlwhind of questions in our minds. I am sincerely hoping Jonathan can either be in that appointment or else at the very least drop me off and be on speakerphone back in the hotel with the kids. Not sure what we'll do or how we'll arrange it but at this point it is just infomation overload and I can't even think what to say or ask or how to respond when I'm in the hot seat.

I am tired. Bone weary. Probably a combination of this being my fifth baby and the emotional upheaval of it all. I can't seem to sleep enough. My blood pressure is EVERYWHERE. I feel nauseous, I'm blacking out and dizzy every couple of steps, out of breath. As soon as I am up my BP is 130/80 and then when I am resting it is crashing to 80/40. It makes me feel like crap. In my first trimester I found out I am quite low on iron so it is yet another thing I will have to bring up at my next appointment. In the meantime I am beefing up my iron supplements and just trying to move slowly so I don't fall over. I am supposed to start school this week with the kids, I have a few other things planned in as well as their booster shots, and some sewing projects to complete. It makes me want to cry. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Other than school that is. I might be able to manage that, but anything over and above is just simply too much. My home is my sanctuary. My kids are my distraction. I have everything I need here and I just don't want to leave. Growing up with me you would have never guessed I would be such an introvert and homebody, but alas my love and need for people just disappeared somewhere along the way. My life takes up all of my emotional and physical energy, it isn't that I don't miss those "girls nights out" its more that I just don't have the time or energy for them anymore. I would rather spend my few spare moments reading a book, or taking a bath, or heck... GOING TO BED EARLY! ;) One day.

Anyways, baby is healthy for another week. Another week closer to being viable out in this harsh world. In the meantime, I have a house that needs to be cleaned, but I might just call it and go to bed instead ;) Happy first week of school everyone!

Summer Update

It's summer, the sun is shining (although not today), the weather is warming, and my kids are flawlessly getting up again at 6am. It doesn't matter what I do. It starts with one, usually Malakai screeching for his early morning bottle. This wakes up Caleb, who then proceeds to keep Malakai awake once he has finished his bottle. And as I try desperately to send him downstairs so that Selah doesn't wake up (if anyone needs her beauty sleep, its her :) and out she comes, quiet as a butterfly, flitting out of her room. Ah mornings. Once my solace, I cannot seem to get up earlier than my children anymore. No more peaceful walks, or rejuvinating showers alone. Now from the second I open my eyes, I am greeted with screeching, fighting, and the dreaded "maaaaaaama! Come wash my bum!" Now that Caleb is approaching 4, I am recognizing a pattern. It happens each summer, maybe it is the sun waking them up, or the birds chirping incessantly out their window. Whatever it is, each summer, the clock goes back and they start getting up earlier and earlier, and unfortunately getting whinier and whinier throughout the day.

Life in the Spooner household has taken on rocket form. I can't seem to keep up. Piano lessons, working for my parents, Jonathan's courses and overtime shifts, shopping trips, doctor trips, and more. I love to be busy, but without fail it starts to show in my personal life and right now, my house is lacking. Now that lessons are almost over, I am starting to have some more time and even so finding it incredibly hard to catch up in this area. I try, I will spend all day cleaning and be so proud of myself, but in an evening it is all destroyed and finding the strength and willpower to do it all again the next day is hard to muster up. I literally was cleaning and Malakai followed me deliberately pulling out ANYTHING I put away. I would throw something in the garbage, he would throw it back on the floor. My silent little destroyer, toddling along behind me, sucking his little soother. So cute I couldn't be angry. My garden never happened, although I did manage to half plant a little flower patch in the front yard. Malakai is walking now, everywhere. He is so cute, both Jonathan and I love this stage. He is trying to talk more, although sticks to kind of one sound for everything ("sucka" is the same for both his sucky, kee kee, and simon). It is so fun to watch him become his own little person, so very very different from his brother and sister. And for all you wondering souls out there, no, we are not pregnant. I am sapping up every last ounce of baby left in my little boy. Even changing his diaper has become something I love, I know it won't last that much longer and it is just one more moment I can see him as a baby.

Life is changing, our little family is growing and changing. There are new ages and stages and attitudes and fights that we deal with every day in our children. Life goes on, day by day, and we just try to keep up, tag a long, survive in the midst of it all. Reading back on my old posts, I realized I miss this. I love looking back and seeing the catalogue of our family written out. I may not do it as often as I once could, but I will try to write more frequently if for no other reason than for myself. Right now Malakai is screaming, Selah just "fluttered" out of her room and Caleb is yelling for me to come wash his bum, so I gotta go! Happy mornings everyone, hope yours aren't quite as early as mine :)

The curveballs of life

I am learning, slowly it seems, that life is full of unexpected curveballs, I don't do well with the unexpected. I do much better with plans, well-thought-out ideas and goals, and schedules. Unexpected is BAD.

However, it seems that God thrills with the unexpected and even more so thrills at the prospect of watching me try to adapt and adjust to the unwelcome and chaotic ripples in my little world. My comfortable, safe little world. I take this to the extreme in that I never allow myself to think about, dream about, get excited about anything I can't plan for, for sure. This complicates things when you are married to an optimistic dreamer. (Really honey, I'm not a pessimist, just a realist :) However, as with any aspect of life, balance is key. I have found that although I don't claim to like it I can claim that the unexpected makes me stronger if I let it. When I am surprised with a new development in our lives, or when I hope for something and am let down... I have one of two options. I could do the regular reaction and get overwhelmed, annoyed, disappointed, etc. Or, I could rise to the occassion, seize the challenge and adapt, change. Luckily, God saw fit to make me extremely competitive, and often that is the only way for me to choose the second path. I make a competition for myself, I take the challenge head on, to prove to myself and the world, that I can.

A healthy reaction? I don't know, but hey, it works right? And so it is, that I find myself faced with the many unexpected challenges that come with having children. Three children. And a dog. And a cat. And a husband on night shifts that can never be planned around. And teaching piano. And trying to fit in the rest of life like friends, fun, and heaven forbid a little leftover time for myself!!!!! Let's face it, it's impossible. I can survive in this whirlwind that is my life. But I want to thrive, I want to enjoy it, I want my kids to enjoy it, I want to be the mom with the smile always on her face, who adores her kids and adores her life. How is this possible you ask? I have come to the realization that on my own strength it simply isn't doable. I am human, I snap, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, TIRED... My morning walk this morning gave me a few minutes to seek God and realize that He is asking me to find my strength in him. All those verses about God being your strength and your song have never made more sense to me than now. He is not only my strength, but my SONG, giving me JOY and MUSIC to my days, a twinkle to my eye, a bounce to my step, a song in my heart.

I have long been misguided and deceived into believing that there is a perfect recipe for success. Spend time with God each day, wake up at 6 each morning, blah blah blah. So when I am too tired to get up, or  the kids wake up too early and I don't get that time... I am screwed for the rest of the day, right? But really, all I need to do is include God in the everyday. When I am tired and just done, ask God for strength and motivation. When I am angry and annoyed, ask God for peace and joy. When I have worked incredibly hard at something and start to feel self-pity or the need for affirmation, seek that affirmation from Him. It is a day-long conversation rather than a one time magic phrase. In some ways, this is harder for me. It means setting a habit of remembering God, of praying all throughout the day. But somehow I know that this is just the beginning, God has my whole life to build in me a strong prayer life all I need to do is recognize it and try my best.

Wow, long post, lots of thoughts, but really nothing new, sorry if this one bored anyone :) I am just so consumed with life right now, that all I can sit down and write about is how to survive in the chaos :)

Bittersweet Baby

I recently was able to be at the hospital and see my brand new little niece just minutes after she was born. As I held this adorable little bundle in my arms and saw her look up at me in wonder and seemingly deep thought, I began to contemplate the many emotions, feelings, and thoughts running through my head. Undoubtedly I felt a pang of wanting another one. Who wouldn't? But the most prominent emotion I felt? I wanted to come home and hold Malakai. In my head, he is still my little baby. I literally hardly stayed at the hospital. I sped all the way home and cuddled all my babies in my arms.

I will be very clear: we want more kids. I want more kids. I have always wanted a large family, and having children has only strengthened this desire in me. Being a mother is everything I thought it would be and more! Of course it isn't all peaches and cream all the time, but my children are my world. When a brand new little baby, who looks like Jonathan and I is placed in my arms. When those little babies cuddle with you and look up into your eyes and coo and smile, who wouldn't fall in love?

Needless to say, although we want more I am so content with my little family right now. I have one in the preschool stage, one in the toddler (heaven help me) and one still in baby stage. I am busy, I am happy, and I am wanting for nothing. When we do get pregnant again I will be thrilled, but for now I am content to cuddle with Malakai. In fact, I almost don't want it to change for a bit :) Bet you never thought you'd hear those words from me eh?

Masking... the female pandemic

It has come to my attention that we, mothers-wives-women, have a problem. I will label it "masking". We ALL do it. I rarely come upon someone who does not, and when I do, I usually find them offensive and rude. Ah, a conundrum indeed.







Masking (as defined by myself): The condition in which we say one thing and mean another. The state of being outwardly "nice" "perfect" "understanding" and "accepting" when it is all a lie... or at least some of it is. 

It is starting to drive me nuts!


And yet, in reality, I am one of the worst culprits for it. Take, for example, going to my sister-in-laws. Now, I use this as an example because Sonia is my dearest friend and I know that she is one person I use the least "masking" with. However, I still mask with her a lot. I still fear what she might be thinking or how I appear in her eyes. I still weigh my answers and thoughts so as not to offend or push too hard.

With Sonia, even if we don't always say what we mean, we know each other well enough to see it anyways. So really, what is the point. She can smile and say all the right things, but I know if something is bothering her. The same goes the other way. So tell me, why do we do it??? Wouldn't it just be better to bring it all into the open?

There is a delicate balance. If we all said what we meant all the time, we would be wrong. God commands us to be kind to our neighbour, to use a gentle answer to turn away wrath, to not judge the speck in our neighbours eye when we have a log in our own. We have a calling to not judge our fellow man (or in this case woman), to be accepting, to be kind and caring, to not be callous and cruel. Even when we don't feel like it. So where does that leave us?

Do we take it too far?

I think so. I think people spend their whole lives discovering what that balance truly is. Not being afraid to speak your mind but knowing when to stay silent. Not spouting off your thoughts and opinions unless you are asked about it (or in other words, not giving unwanted advice). I don't want to spend my whole life finding that balance. I want to honor God in my friendships, but still be able to speak truth IN LOVE! I guess that is what it all comes down to, we can speak truth, but we often do it out of pride and superiority rather than humbleness and love.

So, suffice it to say, this pandemic we have as women...

1. We constantly compare ourselves with one another. To two ends... we come out on top and our proud or we come out on the bottom and resent both the person and ourselves

2. We constantly judge people and comments in our minds. Always filtering, spending so much time breaking apart the subtle meanings that we often miss the main message... that that person just wants someone to care and understand.

3. We are two-faced. Smiling and nodding on the outside while thinking callous, judging remarks inwardly. This breeds pride in the worst way.

My conclusion? We are women. We are interpreters of the unsaid, the subtle meanings, the "in between the lines". I want to make sure that what is unsaid is not my prideful, judging thoughts. I want to be sincere, coming across to my friends and family as someone to be trusted. I don't always want to say what I am thinking, but I want to mean what I say, not saying something that is a lie just to make myself feel better, when it doesn't help anyone in the long run. And I want to drop the pretences and stop comparing myself with everyone.

I am not everyone. I am Rebecca. Whom God has called to be a mother of many, despite what people think of that. He has called me to homeschool, to write, to be joyful, to try to maintain a house of order! He has not called Sonia to these same things, nor Jessica, nor Amanda... the people he has not called to this are many. Because this is my calling... I accept it and do not hold it against anyone or lord it above them. I simply lay my cards on the table... this is me, and that is you. Praise God that we are not all the same and can come together in different stages of our lives to encourage one another on the way!

Pending Proclamation

Wind. Rain. Sun. Clouds. Fall.

My favorite season. A time for schedules, routines, new possibilities and opportunities. This fall, I have a list of proclamations. I cannot promise to follow them... I am notorious for my lack of follow-through capabilities. But I can promise to try, and to give it a charging start. This is my last week of summer, starting Monday, I am determined to have more routine in our home. And so it is that I promise that:

I will no longer allow myself to sleep in

I will have a coffee before my children present me with their routine whining

I will have a shower so that I feel not like a human hairball, but rather a person... better yet, a mom

I will go on my walk so that I have had time to prepare myself for the onslaught of childhood antics I will undeniably face

I will maintain a clean and organized house

I will teach my children to do daily chores even though it is easier to just do it myself

I will have my kids on a regular, daily sleep schedule to which I will adhere faithfully

I will turn off the TV all day except for while I prepare dinner

I will follow my weekly schedule as faithfully as I can

I will ditch the cereal and mac and cheese and feed my kids healthy, nutritious meals and snacks

I will spend less time on the computer and more time with my kids

I will prepare a weekly meal plan and follow it, determining to make a family dinner each night

I will make a conscious effort to be more careful with our money. To not spend as much and budget more.

Sunday Seranade

"Eat your cereal, stop throwing food!"

My kids just smile and think 'mom's in a mood'

Pushing my buttons, stretching the line

They push and they push, they cry and they whine

My mood turns serious, they know and recant

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" they begin their rote chant

Closing my ears to their half-hearted pleas

I go to my room and get down on my knees

"God, I'm losing it, I'm blowing my top"

"Give me some patience, just help them to stop!"

I come out of my room, prepared for the worst

But my kids are sweet angels, my heart wants to burst

All day long I battle, they push till I drop

And then, only then, will they think they should stop

And just when I think my strength is waning

God gives me some more and my kids stop complaining

I had no idea, I had not a clue

That life as a mother could be such a zoo

A ride of emotions, a maze of the heart

And the scary part is... this is just the start!

Morning Musings

A baby is crying. I try to open my eyes but find them closed... indefinitely. Sitting up in my bed the cold hits me like a slap in the face and I shiver and shake as I make my way, blinded and dizzy, to the kitchen. Bottle, liner, formula, water, a little shake and I can go back to the glorious splendor of my bed, or so I tell myself. Malakai smiles up at me as I pop the bottle into his mouth and hope beyond all hope that he goes back to bed. He doesn't. He coos and squeals and Caleb starts to wake up, I look at the clock in a state of denial, 5:50am. Sighing, and fully awake, I decide I may as well go on my morning walk to clear the cobwebs that have taken up residence in my foggy head. The crisp morning mocks me for a day in August and I pull on a hat and gloves as I walk out the door. I walk, purposefully, determined. I no longer know how to walk any other way. No more meandering, I am a mom and I mean business! As I walk I think, I breathe in the cool fresh air, and I pray "God help me to come home to a quiet house, let me at least have a coffee in peace!" I come back home prepared for the worst and enter the house to silence. How great is my God! I make myself a coffee, and as I finish the last sip in my cup Caleb wakes up... how humorous is my God! Knowing I have no right to complain I greet my son (at 6:45am) with a smile and bundle him up against the cold (time to turn on the heat?!?!?!?!).

It is 7 o' clock. My son eats his breakfast and slyly asks (with a mischievous grin on his face), "what are you doing Rebecca?" Ah son, where do I possibly begin???? He asks for his mouse, a cat toy he found last night and has promptly given a home and a little water dish that he must cart around everywhere he goes. I sit at my computer, hoping to find some portal to the outside world, some connection with some other mom out there who is awake and wishing she was in bed. They are out there, somewhere. The moms who desperately pour themselves a cup of coffee hoping the caffeine kicks in before they have a meltdown. And somehow, without knowing who or where they are, I feel a sense of community with these moms and find I have the strength to turn off my computer and greet the rest of my little family.

HAPPY MORNING EVERYONE!

Why I am a stay at home mom

I recently wrote an article for Suite101 titled, "Should you be a stay at home mom?" and received quite a response from it. I thought I was being very careful to fairly represent both sides of this controversial issue. The reality is, there are many mothers who would like to stay at home with their kids but are unable to afford the cost of living on only one income. Most of the critical comments I received came from mothers who work not because they have to, but because they want to. Although this was not my target audience, I found myself unable to stay silent after I read my last comment. They posted a link they thought would be better received, an article from the globe and mail titled, "Ditch the guilt, working moms: the kids are all right". In order to fully understand my position and arguments, please read this article before proceeding.

Let us begin by carefully examining all sides of this issue. There are three types of career mothers:

1. The financially obligated mother
2. The motivated and goal-orientated mother
3. The "my kids are driving me nuts!" mother

The first group I addressed in my article. I understand and appreciate the mothers who work to help supplement their household income. This is not an easy day and age to live in and sometimes two incomes is the only solution.

To the second group, I can relate. I am a motivated and goal-oriented person myself. I am always looking for the next challenge to conquer, and as soon as I have, I am on to the next hurdle. Because of this, I often battle discontentment and am constantly on the lookout for vices through which I can feel like a person, not just mom. Now, I try to find things that can keep me in my home. Various hobbies can sometimes do the trick, or my current fling with teaching piano lessons. Let's be perfectly clear here: being a mother is not rewarding. I have heard parents say, "being a mom/dad is so rewarding." They are lying. Being a parent is a blessing, and one day we will reap the rewards of our hard work. My children bless me every day! But it is not rewarding. Your kids will not praise you for putting them on timeout for the 100th time or taking away a privilege when you just want the whining to stop! You will not get a pat on the back every time you clean the bathroom or a great referral letter. There is no ladder to climb, no sense of completion (take cleaning the house for example... the job that NEVER ends). So for the parents that yearn for something more, I understand. I too yearn for more at times. And this is where my faith comes in to play. As a Christian, I believe that I am called to be content in my circumstances. Not that I am never allowed to want more, but this is not just where God has put me, but it is where I have put myself. I chose to be a mom. I chose to have kids. Now I live with the reality of that choice... raising them. I daily accept my role and wear the responsibility of that choice and calling. And with God's daily help, I do so with joy!

The third group of mothers are the one to which the posted article refers. To these mothers, I have no mercy. If your reason for working is to escape your children than you are a coward and have every reason to feel guilty. You became a mom, whether by choice or accident, it happened. There are consequences and they are presented in these beautiful little baby's. When a mother says that their child is "driving them crazy" and they just can't stand it anymore (the child to which the woman in the article refers is only 9 months old) then I believe that they are being selfish. Yes, your child will be FINE in daycare. Yes, they will learn some new tricks, copy the older children. They might learn more than they would at home if you just stuck them in front of the TV all day. HOWEVER, they are NOT learning character. They are not learning your values. And, more importantly, they are NOT bonding or forming an attachment to you. Because of this most of these mother's kids will most likely rebel as teenagers. They won't feel obligated to please mom and dad. They will be used to following the crowd and having their "space." They will have all the toys they want, but they will be distant and aloof. And both you, and your child, will suffer in the long run. When they are sick or tired, they won't be calling for you... why would they, you are never around? No, they will call for their nanny or caregiver. They are attached to them. They feel loved, secure, and safe with them. The article states that, "Few (mothers) if any would consider devoting themselves completely to child care" All I can say is that the author of this article doesn't know very many mothers. Hundreds, thousands of mothers choose to devote themselves selfishly and whole heartily to the care and well-being of their child. 


"The real question is: Is staying home with babies generally good for the mental development and behaviour of most new mothers?"


No, my friend. The real question is this: If being with your own child is detrimental to your mental development and behaviour, why on earth did you EVER have kids in the first place?!?!?!?!? 


This article bashes stay at home moms because they guilt working moms. No, working moms feel guilty because they know there is something more to raising kids. Sure, your kids will grow up... with or without your help. But what will they grow into? Who is guiding them and teaching them? Whose values are they learning? Their teachers? Their peers? The cool drug-addict at school? The snotty, rude 7 year old at playgroup? Or perhaps one of the adults they are told and expected to trust who turn out to be a pedophile. Do you know? How could you possibly know the outcome of your child's growth, see the man or woman they will become when you just cart them blindly to their various groups and caregivers, and just hope for the best. 


Hoping is not good enough for me. I intend to KNOW!

Super Moms

Have you ever looked at another mom, or any woman for that matter, who just does everything right? They are up at the crack of dawn, they make a healthy breakfast each morning, they do family devotions, their kids are well-behaved and perfect and for heavens sake! Why are they always baking!!?!?!?!?! Yes, I have met moms like this, I refer to them as super moms. They make me feel guilty about feeding my kids cereal EVERY DAY! Or guilty for raising my voice when I get frustrated. They also inspire me and make me want to be a better mom, do more for my kids. It is a love/hate relationship with those moms, and I can't help but wonder why.

Hold that thought for a minute and come along with me on my morning walk. I haven't gone on it for over a month now and I decided to try this morning. I had forgotten why I did it in the first place. It is not the fresh air, the smell of flowers, even the chance to be alone. No, the real reason I go for my walk is because it is pretty much the only time I get with God each day. I go to pray. I go to bask in His presence and because of that, I come back a different person. As I was nearing home this morning, feeling encouraged, peaceful, and full of JOY, I realized that that is the difference. THAT is the difference between super mom and me. It is not what they do, not who they are, but rather who is shining through them. It gave me such a sense of freedom from guilt and bitterness towards these mothers when I saw that on days I go for my walk, I am supermom. I am motivated, energized, patient, and joyful. I am a better mom, a better wife, and overall a better person. You can't simply know Jesus and expect to be a different person. I realized that I ask God to make me a better mom. And he does. But, he does it for that day. The next day I need to wake up and do it all over again. It takes a constant, everyday relationship with God. It takes me laying my heart before him, my fears and frustrations, my attitude and lack of patience... asking for forgiveness, help, energy, and strength to be the best person I can that day. And even then, it is not what I CAN do, but what Christ does in me. As a Christian my whole life, this is sunday school stuff. I have known it and could have preached it to anyone who came to me. But I guess this morning I received new insight and really owned this principal.


It is not super mom, but rather super charged mom!


And so my friends, I am supercharged today. Don't judge me, don't be bitter or feel guilty, but rather go to your room, lock your door and spend time with God today. You will be a super charged mom too!

Summer Update

As I sit here at my kitchen table listening to my kids "nap" (aka play and sing and generally climb the walls), I can't help but consider the chaos that is my life. In just a few short weeks Malakai has changed so much. He has three teeth, he sits, he crawls, he squeals and screams, he doesn't want to be held and arches to be on the floor. He fusses he frets, he even is starting to sign some words like "all done". He has overnight changed from an infant to a mobile baby and it is hitting me pretty hard. I felt like with the others their transition to babyhood was more gradual. What do I do with this child that I hardly know anymore? He is developing his own personality and preferences and all I can think is: "rewind!"

Selah turned two at the end of July. And thank God, her tantrums and screaming fits are beginning to subside. They still happen every day, but not every minute of the day. And for that I am eternally grateful. She is beginning to morph into this beautiful little girl. She is so kind and caring, compassionate and sensitive, and yet she has this toughness to her (being Caleb's little sister is a prime suspect), this incredible strength that some days I don't have the strength to battle. Selah: my warrior princess. She loves her dolly and puts everything on time out from her animals to her favourite beach ball. She eats like a horse, far surpassing Caleb and most nights... me too. Her smile pretty much lights up my life and I am so thankful to have this little girl in my life.

Caleb turns three tomorrow. I can hardly believe it! He isn't a toddler any longer and everyday he surprises me with some new tidbit of knowledge he has acquired. Darned TV, he sure doesn't get all that from me so where else does it come from? He is a little mother, he considers Malakai his "son" (to which we have had a number of arguments that I seem to lose on a pretty consistent basis). He is constantly asking me "Mama, can you put Selah on timeout please?" making sure that she receives her just rewards (the fact is he is usually right, she needs a timeout, oy vey). Bedtime has become my constant battleground and the only way to get him to sleep is to sit outside his room like a sleep vigilante. He crawls into Malakai's crib to play with him at least 20 times before finally succumbing to sleep. He is my biggest helper most of the time and he is such a boy. Always playing with his cars and trying to tackle you to the floor. His smile can melt me and he knows it too, using his charm to its utmost capabilities.

Ah my kids, I don't know where to start or how to end. They are everything to me. They are my life, my aspirations and goals, my heart and my soul. They are the reason I get up the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night. They are growing up. I can remember... and I mean REMEMBER the moment each of them were born as if it were yesterday and here they are, their own little people. What a powerful thing, having children. Teaching them, raising them to be strong, capable adults. Whoever said being a stay-at-home mom wasn't a career? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, isn't it so? I may not be raising the next Prime Minister, but I am raising little people who will inevitably touch the lives of those around them. So bring it on I say! And may God give me the strength I need to be the best I can be today.

The Case For Having Children

Children compose the future. They inexplicably write the course of history and it all starts with their lives here and now. In today's society, the case for not having children is everywhere. A young couple is inundated with remarks and "helpful advice" as to why they should not have children. And for those young families who have one or two kids, they are told that they shouldn't have anymore. Why?

The case for not having children seems vast: they ruin your marriage, they ruin your relationships, they are expensive and draining, and they suck you dry of all your resources. So the question young couples are faced with today is: why should I have kids?

Why Should I Have Kids?

1. Having children is rewarding

• Each milestone a child reaches is as powerful as though you were reaching one for yourself. When a baby smiles up at you for the first time, or your son takes his first step, these small feats will make you so proud!
• What could a child possibly offer me, you ask. They offer a tangible, visible, constant reminder of your greatest accomplishments. You invest into their little lives every minute of every day, and when you see them adopting your values, or learning their manners, or trying to share, you feel such an incredible sense of accomplishment.

2. Having children keeps you young

• Many of today's parents are a hard sell for having a family. They look haggard and tired, drained and withdrawn. However, it has been my experience that having kids keeps you young. I am sure you have heard the phrase, "living vicariously through your children." It is so true. You may take the outdoors for granted, however when you take your one-year-old for a walk and they see an ant for the first time with wonder and fear and innate curiosity, you are drawn to feel the same way. When they ask you why? You are driven to find the answer out. They bring you into the mind of a child, they keep you running, jumping, and thinking every day of your life. What better brain exersizes could you need?

3. Kids are your legacy

• What will you have if your spouse dies? Who will be left to give your life meaning purpose? What will you be like when you sit alone in a retirement home and no one cares? Children are your legacy. They are the reason you can die content, knowing that a part of you is living on. A part of you will never die. They give life meaning, they give every day a sense of joy. They open your heart to love so that you are able to go on if someone in your life dies. You instil your values, your morals, your thoughts and opinions and your genes, and watch it germinate and grow. It is your legacy! What better reason is there?

4. Having children adopts you into the elite "click" of parenthood

• There is no doubt about it, having kids changes your relationships with everyone around you. You have less time, your childless friends won't be able to relate to your new schedule and your new set of priorities. The love you feel for your children is all consuming and someone who has not experienced that will not understand. However, having kids will present you with a whole new set of relationships and opportunities. There are endless online forums, family centres, playgroups, and places to connect. Never again will you walk in a room and not know what to say. Bring up childbirth, teething, or potty training and you will have a twenty minute conversation topic on your hands!
• Having children will open the doors to a whole new social circle. And although you may never go back to your parties or your spontaneous lifestyles, you will enter into something like a family group that will support and encourage you so you will not be alone.

5. Children are entertaining

• If children are anything, it is entertaining. You and your spouse are sure to find hours of conversations regarding their latest antics or performances. Not a day will go by that they won't at least try to make you laugh, and their imaginative ingenuity will constantly keep you guessing.

6. Children will make you a better person

•  Children inspire you to be a better person. They bring out the best in you. You are changed overnight from being relatively selfish, because you can be, to caring for another human being. It doesn't matter if you are tired or sick, someone else needs you and you are ultimately forced to be responsible and selfless. 

Children Are a Gift

I am sure it is a phrase you have heard time and time again, children are a blessing, they are a gift. But it is true. You see, it doesn't matter if money is tight or you are having a bad day or your kids have been misbehaving all day long. There will always be that one moment when they look into your eyes and tell you they love you or give you a heart-wrenching smile and you know, somewhere deep inside your gut, that it is all going to be okay. That this is the reason that you are alive! That you are devoting yourself to something, someone who could potentially change the world. And each day is an opportunity to be a better person.

A weekend to remember

This is a story of stench and stink. A story to put all others before it to shame. And it involves, of course, my loveable little boy, Caleb.

It all started on an unassuming Saturday afternoon. Jonathan was home from work on a break and we were watching TV. It seemed to be progressing as a typical day for us, and I must admit, my normal "mothering gaurd" was shamefully down. Relaxed and unalert, I ignored the alarming "sound of silence" echoing from my normally rambunctious little boy. And it wasn't until it was too late that I finally tuned in to the disaster. Glancing down from the set, I observed a funny expression on my sons face. In fact, he looked duly disgusted by something or another. Still not too concerned, I casually continued my 360 degree sweep of both my son and the surrounding area. It was then that I saw something brown and sticky hanging from his chin. My immediate thought, 'it must be brown banana or something'. And I nearly passed it off as being nothing. Nearly, that is, until my haphazard brain put two and two together. Grimacing in disbeleif, I put my nose a little closer to my little cherubs face to confirm my horrifying suspicion... and alas, I was right. In the span of a mere five minutes, and sitting on the floor right within both Jonathan and my view, Caleb had managed to fill his pants. He had then proceeded to stick his hands inside his diaper, and smear the offending party all over his legs and arms and the carpet. But did it stop there? Of course not. Being the curious little boy he is, he felt the compelling urge to taste this new substance he had so charmingly discovered, thus explaining the disgusted look on his face. Both horrified and helplessly amused, I was forced to give an early bath, and oh, what a mess that was.

With a clean little boy and still a semblance of an evening left before bedtime, it was only a couple hours later that I made my next colossal mistake. Caleb has had a bad teething rash and thus I decided to let him roam 'diaper free'. With avoidance echoing in my mind, I decided to put him outside for this momentous occassion. Rightly so, for it was not more than 5 minutes later when he proceeded to urinate on the deck, stick his hand in it, and lick it. All I can say is that the bath got a good run that Saturday. You'd think I would have learned my lesson, but only a couple of days later, with the rash still glaring at me from beneath Caleb's soggy diaper, I decided to yet again, let him run about diaper free... in the house. After taking off his diaper, I went to talk to Jonathan for a mere minute (no exxaggeration necessary), and realizing that Caleb was once again too quiet for comfort, said I had better go and check on him. And... wait for it... (this is becoming way too predictable) there was the fresh stench of my sons fecal matter, in three heaps on the carpeted floor, with footprints and handprints leading a trail of disaster throughout the livingroom, smeared on the television, his books, our movies, the couch! You name it, he smeared himself on it. This time was a little less amusing, a little more disgusting. The carpet shampooer got a little bit of excersize that day.

You may be wondering if I have now managed to learn my lesson. And I believe I have. The next time I am out with other mothers and they see my sons red bum, I am sure they will tell me I should "air it out". However, no matter what anyone says, this kid aint naked unless he is in the tub! Amen.