Just out of my reach! Letting go of expectations.

Today, I had a meltdown. Don't you lie to me! I can just picture you starting to put on the passive mask of indifference "oh really, a meltdown? That's too bad!" You know what I'm talking about... that day when all the little things that drive you crazy throughout the days/weeks/months come to a head and you lose it. It may be exploding in frustration, or crying into the porridge, or locking yourself into the school room with your coffee to "breathe". Or, if you were me today, all of the above.

I woke up early, good start! I felt good, not my usual exhausted self. I had coffee, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen. It was 8am when everything started to deteriorate. It's the little things, throwing a load in the laundry and realizing that the dirty clothes have mixed with the clean clothes and laundry is all of a sudden doubled for the day. Then moving on to the school room to discover the kids got in to make you a "special craft" and it is utterly destroyed (as was my sanity at that point). After cleaning that up, I attempted to make an early lunch and all my kitchen cupboards had lost any semblance of the order they had been arranged in just a few weeks past. And I lost it. I vented frustration to the kids for not helping out, then I kicked them outside to finish lunch and cried into the muffin tins (a little extra salty tang in those bran muffins today). Then I took my sacred coffee to the sanctity of my school room and locked myself away, where I tried to understand the total spiral the day had taken. And to be brutally honest, I didn't get very far. But here are some of my many scattered thoughts.

It's just out of my reach: the answer.

That right curriculum that will work for the kids, for me, and fill all the gaps. The routine that will help me manage my home and build healthy habits to be more organized and on top of things. The ability to get up early and wear anything without an elastic waistband. I spend all my time searching for the answer to my problems, trying to find a way OUT of them, to fix them because I feel like if I don't I will crumble under the weight of my failure. But the alternative, letting go, seems just as unattainable to me.

The best I can figure is it has to be somewhere in between. Feeling like I can't operate in a disorganized mess, that's part of who I am. Letting go of that is just not in my make up. I really do think it is key to having a more successful day. However, finding that system, those bins, that bookshelf, that curriculum, to make our home schooling days idyllic... maybe that is not as practical of an expectation. Trying to blend my teaching style with 4 different children's learning styles, with four different levels, with everyone needing my help and only one of me... severely limits what kind of program I can do. It may not be the perfect fit for me or the kids, but it might be the only thing that works in our family until they can do their work more independently. And although getting up and doing my face and hair is a nice goal, I have to give myself grace for those rough nights or those mornings (um, seems to be every morning) when the alarm makes me want to crawl in a cave.

I have to change what I can realistically change in my environment, routine, supplies but also learn how to let go of "perfect".

A true perfectionist can look like a total slob. They are the ones who have the Martha Stewart meal in the oven with their perfectly organized bins and vintage dress and hairstyle one day, but the other 9 days you see them they are a total mess. The reason for this is that if they can't do it PERFECT, they don't do it at all. Anything less is unacceptable. And this is the hardest thing for me to let go of, being willing to do my best in the moment rather than living in extremes.

Well, dear reader, after this highly unpredictable day I can say that I finally do have the answer. I have found that perfect balance, I have written it down in a ten step plan for success that will revolutionize my home and create perfectly balanced children!

1. Wake up: time is not important, the important thing is that you got out of bed this morning! Give yourself a pat on the back and a verbal expression of your overall awesomeness

2. Start thinking about dinner, for TOMORROW: if you start thinking about dinner by 7am today, you are pretty much guaranteed to have an idea of what you want to make by the time 4:00 rolls around tomorrow! 

3. Shower: even if you look like a total hag afterwards, the important thing is that you will FEEL like you accomplished something and you are taking an important step forward into your day.

4. Eat a balanced breakfast: what you eat is completely inconsequential, but be sure to drink your daily allotment of caffeine, your kids will thank you!

5. Make it Fun! Dance and sing as often as you can for the kids, then if the day is a total bust and nothing gets accomplished, the kids will still think it was an epic day.

6. Make a very long list of embarrassingly simple tasks: ie. change the baby's diaper, make lunch, turn on the coffee maker, etc. Checking off each item will make you feel accomplished and give you a positive outlook on the day.

7. MUSIC: turn on inspiring and/or fast paced music loudly and often. This will help motivate you or at the least make you think about being motivated in a fond manner. In the very least, the neighbors will think you are doing something productive with all that Katy Perry. "Baby you're a firework!"

8. Blog: writing about your thoughts and dreams, although not actually doing them, is an excellent way to keep them in the forefront of your mind so you can do them another day.

9. Update social media: Take pictures and selfies each time you accomplish something in order to post them to social media sites throughout the day. Each virtual thumbs up you receive will make you feel like a winner and help validate you as a mother, homemaker, and woman. Try not to think about the time you are wasting doing this simple practice, soon it will become a complete habit and you won't even know you are doing it.

10. Lastly, if all else fails... do a ten minute tidy up before hubby gets home from work. Men are notoriously blind to detail and they will think you have had a very productive day. Fake it until you make it right?

Ok, so polite chuckles aside, I do NOT have the answer. Life never lets you get too comfortable and just when you start to think you have it, there's a new dynamic to adjust to. However, I feel like I have some understanding and will be working very hard to be more realistic with my expectations for myself, my home, homeschooling, etc.

Signing out!

Mother Goose Time: Review 1

Hi everyone, I am so excited to share with you this amazing new curriculum that I (how is this even possible?!?!?!) had never heard of. It is a preschool curriculam, but it is easily comprehensive enough to use for kindergarten if you supplement with writing and math. Consequently, I have dropped all curriculum I was previously doing with Malakai (kindergarten) and am doing this program with both him and Aliyah (and Caleb and Selah are doing it to because it is so fun they don't want to be left out ;)

Mother Goose Time pretty much accomplishes these main goals for me:

• It is a super fun program! Think songs, dance, activities, crafts, games, posters, centres, etc.
• It is relatively inexpensive (about $60 each theme month pack you purchase- including all your teacher supplies, CD's, planning books, as well as the daily bagged activities for your child)
• It is so so so easy to teach (think teacher planner books with everything laid out, and student bags for each day that you just open up and go)
• It has the possibility to be a NO PREP PROGRAM! Somewhere a heavenly chorus is singing "Hallelujah!"

So enough of the writing… if you're anything like me, you want to see some examples! 

To start with, this is what I got in the mail:

What a cute box! See that welcome kit on top? That comes for free for first time subscribers, it includes your teacher guide, your CD's your student scrapbook (two pages they fill from each month's theme, great for reporting!) how to use the program, etc. It also contains different centre posters if you want to set up centres in your schoolroom, colour birds, a calendar with daily cutouts, EVERYTHING you need to set up a bulletin board, a poster to put up, a map of the world. Etc. Heres a close up of some of what is in the teachers kit

Then I moved down and found my curriculum! It goes down in order, so I put it all back afterwards to save the mess and will just pull them out one by one each day. Here is a sneak peak at what the weekly bags look like: 

The month of November's theme is rainforest. It talks about different animals, different colours, etc. To be honest, I don't know yet because we have only done one day, but I can't wait to get further into this box. Malakai (5) and Aliyah (2), who are usually playing while I talk, were GLUED to this! They LOVED the songs, loved doing the craft, were so excited to open the bag up. The older kids were so disappointed they didn't get to do more. The best part is, you could do as much or as little as you wanted with this program. The lesson plan tells you what you can do all day long. Including when to take breaks for snack and lunch. You could follow it to a T. Go out on nature walks and build your building centre with sticks, do a craft, play a game, etc. Its all there laid out for you in the teachers lesson book. 

This program would be AMAZING for daycares, preschools, homeschool families, etc. It keeps the kids highly entertained and you don't have to stress about having everything you need and preparing for your lesson. Just open up your bag and you have everything you need except the scissors and glue. 

Here is Malakai's craft from the bag of day one, they made a collage. It came with confetti, glitter, paper, animals to cut out, tissue paper, and they went wild. 

What else can I say? Except, go to the website! Check out the different monthly themes, the extras that are available! You can find them at www.mothergoosetime.com 

I will be posting weekly pictures and reviews of what the kids think of it as well as myself. Stay tuned and let me know if you have any questions!  

Hippie Homeschoolers: WHY?!?!?!?

For those of you who don't know, I homeschool our kids. You might wonder WHY, and I'm going to tell you. A lot of my reasons come from personal experience.

I was home schooled along with my siblings. In my growing up years there were four of us, really close in age, and we all did school together. I tried school out for half of grade 2, for grade 6, and again in high school. It was nothing special and I hated it. I LOVED being home schooled. My family were my best friends. I built relationships with them that I would never have had otherwise. I was a homebody and I never felt uncomfortable or pressured or awkward at home. I never felt judged or unsure of myself or stupid. I felt SAFE. Every day. I could wear what I wanted to wear without a second thought, I could make mistakes, I could learn what I wanted to learn about, and I got to do it alongside people who loved me. It was one of the great highlights of my childhood. The school part came easy to me, I ended up advancing two grades by the time high school came around. I went to our local high school and graduated when I had just turned 16 years old! I hope you don't think me conceited when I say that we were all very mature for our age. I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that instead of being put in a fish bowl of only children our own age growing up (which is unnatural when you think about the real world AFTER high school), we learned to communicate and express ourselves and be comfortable around people of all ages.

When Jonathan and I first got married, we talked a lot about homeschooling. He thought public school was fine, I mean he turned out okay! (thats debatable ;) We debated back and forth. But it all changed when he started working more closely with the schools around us. By the time our kids were old enough to really start thinking about school, he was the complete opposite. He has become my strongest supporter, my biggest advocate. On the days when I question if we are doing the right thing or if I can handle this, he keeps me going and reminds me why we do this. He is passionate about our decision to homeschool and does what he can to support the decision (because in the end, it is ME that does it).

So that leaves us with my own reasons why, other than the fact that I loved it and saw the benefits of it personally. Do I think they get a better education one on one instead of in a classroom ratio of 1:24? Yes. Do I think they are building closer relationships with their siblings and with us? Yes. But those aren't my primary reasons. I think my kids will thrive in the school system. They will love it. And school is less about the education as much as it is about learning how to learn and developing a love for it. In light of that, my decision is based on the here and now, elementary school, the early years. In their day to day environment, my kids don't ever have to feel dumb, inadequate, unsure of themselves, embarrassed, self conscious, bullied, unsafe, or confused. They are comfortable 100% of the time. They are safe and secure in who they are and are free to express themselves in any way without fear of rebuttal or what people will think of them. Does this mean I protect my kids from the real world? Absolutely not! At this age, they still experience all those things in various groups or outings. Such as group classes they are involved in, friendships outside of our family, church, heck even the playground! They have felt bullied or dealt with kids that they just didn't know how to handle. They have dealt with peer pressure and been embarrassed or unsure of themselves. That is life, that is childhood. But it is not in their face every single day. And because of this, they are incredibly sure of themselves and self-confident.

Another primary reason we choose to homeschool is to ground our children in their faith. To give them time to form roots, ask questions, experience it for themselves before they go into a school environment where it becomes a religious vacuum. Not just the basics of our faith, but our values. In this day and age, everything is under re-evaluation, including basics like gender. I am all for gender equality, but now we are transitioning to the gender spectrum. There are no more boy and girl, that just creates confusion and stigma. Now there is a spectrum and your child is free to explore where they fit on that spectrum. You don't want to go to the "boys" bathroom? Then go where you feel comfortable! This is approved and being implemented in schools across BC. I want to teach my children MY values, not the governments. I want to instil what I believe, I want them to be confident in who they were created to be, a boy or a girl. Not told that those don't exist. This is one of my primary reasons for homeschooling, our values, our faith, these not only will not be taught in the public school setting but they won't be accepted. Where does that leave my children? Caught in between two opposing worlds?

Now for the disclaimer to calm everyones nerves: I know that most people don't homeschool and I don't want you to think I judge you AT ALL. If you knew how many times I had considered just putting them in for a year, you would know this. Homeschooling is our journey, it is our choice. We do it because we have a list a mile long full of reasons that just haven't changed at this point for us. However, it is HARD. It is a huge sacrifice. I am so jealous of all the mommas out there who take their little ones to school and drop them off! And like I said, I think my kids would love school and will, when the time comes. I don't think we will homeschool forever. I have plenty of teacher friends and I respect what they do and I don't think school is "evil" in any way. However, let me ask you this, do you judge me?

Homeschooling: Week One

Well, we are officially about a week in to homeschooling, I started with the kids on saturday (they don't know that is a weekend) as soon as I got my books in. Most of the books are too advanced for Selah, all she wants to do is color, put the lids on and off of the felts, and play with her new pencil case :) But Caleb is getting into it. He is learning his alphabet, his numbers, we are working on signs, he is coloring and reinforcing his colors and we do bible every day. Here is my school schedule, a look at what actually happens:

7:00am-wake the kids, eat breakfast, get them dressed and ready
7:30am-chore time (this has not been going over as well as I thought, it could be renamed as "whining hour" as that is all they do, but I am trying to get them to help out with a cheerful attitude)
8:00am-bible time (here we do a bible story, pray, I play the piano and we sing little songs, they dance to music and then we sometimes do some art (basically color))
8:30am-school time. What I thought would take me an hour, takes me about half that time, but we just color, I turn on some music and they bounce away. We talk about our colors, caleb and I work through the alphabet, etc.
9:00am-here we watch signing time together and I make them sign each word
9:30-we get ready for activity time from 10-12 (sometimes this is the library, or playgroup, or bible study, etc.)
12:00-lunch and naps


It isn't totally smoothed out. I have discovered that the teaching aspect is pretty relaxed. Especially with Selah. However, Caleb is learning. He has not known his ABC's other than the tune of the song he would fumble along to. Now he can point out nearly all the letters of the alphabet. He is learning his numbers, he knows his colors, and he is genuinely absorbing the bible stories each day. You can't really homeschool a 2 and 3 year old, more than anything my "homeschooling" is just doing learning activities with them and spending more one on one time. The schedule is more for me than them. They watch way less TV, I am a scheduled person and enjoy the structure, and so do they. They are learning to help out around the house and learning about God. Because of that, it is worth it. Even if I feel like it is going in one ear and out the other. The other day at the store, Caleb was looking at the flowers "mom, God made the flowers!" What a gift to know that he is storing these little "lessons" in his heart. My kids are happier, they are (hopefully) getting on a schedule, they are learning how to learn, and I am spending time with them each day.

Therefore, I deem "homeschooling" my toddlers a success :)

Heart Change

It is a wonderful afternoon. I say that because my kids never ended up napping (except for in the car) so I am very excited to lay them down at 7 sharp. We went into town this morning, so my whole day has seemed short. Ah, I love short days. Anyways, we were going to go to the wildlife park, but it is so smokey out there both jonathan and I felt sick and thought it would be best to just leave it. So we went to bag sale at Lizzie Bits instead. I love bag sale. I had a credit from all my consignment, so I got a ton of stuff. Even got to try out the Rockin' Green everyone's been talking about (my load is in the wash right now). Now I sit here, surrounded by a haze of smoke outside, thinking about my day.

We picked up an old school desk today from a lady in town (which as you can see is still in the truck because I am waiting for my sweet husband to carry it in for me). Have I mentioned I LOVE kijiji???? Anyways, she asked what we would be using it for and I told her we would be using it for homeschooling our children. She was very interested in this decision as she said she had always considered it old-fashioned and weird, but more and more people were doing it and she wondered why. So we laid our case before her: what Jonathan has seen and witnessed in the elementary schools, the lack of control over their education, the long time involved sitting both at school and home doing homework and the desire to give our kids a foundation because they are so impressionable. She could tell we were passionate about it and I realized that yeah, I guess we are! A couple of years ago, Jonathan was against homeschooling. It is amazing how this idea has formed and grown in our minds and hearts over the last year that we have been talking about it. We are passionate about our kids and we are passionate about both their education and, more importantly, their souls. We cannot protect them forever, we won't be homeschooling them forever. But, we can give our family a foundation of faith, love, and example that hopefully they will carry throughout their lifetime.

Anyways, here's to a good day, already half gone... and change. Which can sometimes happen so subtly you don't even realize it has occurred :)

Homeschooling Thoughts

Well, Jonathan and I have pretty much decided that we are going to homeschool. I am not sure how long we will do it for, at least for the elementary years we think. We want to draw a fine line. We don't want our children to be too sheltered, but at the same time we want them to have a strong foundation in their faith and in their identities. On that note, I was looking for curriculum for the coming fall. I am in love with A Beka curriculum, how can I not be? It is what I grew up with! I looked at countless other products and none of them are as bright and interesting and high quality as the A Beka books. That being said, A Beka is nearly double the price over most other curriculums and they don't ship to me. So, I ended up purchasing materials from my good friends at Rainbow Resources. I LOVE Rainbow Resources. They are so nice and their prices are pretty much unbeatable. They have an awesome selection of not only homeschool books but also supplies, calendars, etc. and I was able to find everything I needed and more for half the price. I know my kids are a little bit young, but I can't wait to jump the bandwagon. I am an all or nothing person and am so excited to get started on the new school year.

Selah will mostly be coloring pictures and maybe participating in the stories. But Caleb is ready. He is starting to recognize his shapes, letters and numbers, and it will do him no harm to hone this skill. I love school. I love fall. I love schedules and the crisp mornings and the bright colors... the smell of fresh paper the feel of newness and possibility. Fall is my favourite season and I can't wait to share it with my children this year! Bring on September!