Toddler Tryouts and Preschool Pouts

I was up before 6 am this morning. Not of my own choice, but rather forced out of bed by bouncing children who have awoken before their designated time (which I have realistically set as 9am). It took every ounce of strength to not grimace my way through this morning... and a very strong cup of coffee. But alas, I have made it past the point of no return, I am officially awake and have decided to waste away my morning writing. 

Malakai is now 20 months. At this delicate age, they are not really a baby, and not yet a toddler. He has entered the dreaded stage of "toddler tryouts". With all of my children so far, this has by far been the worst stage of them all. They are too young to have a lot of the understanding needed, you cannot explain things to them, they throw fits and tantrums and there just is not a lot you can do about it. Oh, don't get me wrong, there is no way I will let my son just sit there and scream, he immediately goes in his crib. However, after three rounds, I have come to the conclusion that no matter what you do, no matter how consistent you are, it is still a stage that they have to go through. The difficulty presented with this age is that it is nearly impossible to carry on with a normal life. Nap time becomes a thing of strict necessity. You are housebound as going out inevitably procures an "episode" for all to see and judge. Trying to get ANYTHING done around the house is impossible. Every few minutes they are there wanting your attention, needing you, but not wanting you. Up, down, up, down, pushing you away, clawing at your legs. It is a catch 22, and I feel terrible for him, but much more so I feel terrible for me. Talking to Jonathan the other day, I decided that I don't need time away as a break, I need the kids to LEAVE for a day! I need to be able to clean my house top to bottom once a week without a million interruptions. I need to be able to have it stay clean for just one day, not destroyed the second I turn my back.  Possible? I don't know, but I aim to find out.

Caleb and Selah have graduated from toddlerhood and entered the "preschool pouts". There are days I feel that the whining will kill me. It never ends. NEVER ENDS. Whining, crying, pouting, sobbing, weeping, emotions that don't cease or have an expiry. The only time all three children are happy at one time is when they are sleeping. They love each other sometimes, hate each other the rest of the time. They feed off each others emotions, where one was perfectly happy they start wailing or won't eat or don't want the babysitter because the other one throws a fit. My house is like a giant game of dominos, what one starts, they all must follow suit. 

But all of this is manageable, the one that kills me is food. At least (at this is no feeble exaggeration) 50 times a day, I hear (in the whiniest voice possible) "I'm so hungry". No joke, I will feed them a massive lunch, 3 eggs each, cheese, cucumber, juice, etc. etc. etc. and within 5 minutes of getting down I will hear "but I'm soooooo hungry mom". I am so sick of it, I have tried denying them to which they start weeping uncontrollably about their hunger, you would think I starve them. Finally, so fed up with Caleb I told him if he was that hungry he could have a carrot. He just about leapt with happiness. I still haven't decided if they truly are hungry or just bored, I am sure half of it is boredom. But the fact that they will eat a carrot or celery stick makes me continue to feed them. And so it is, that I spend my entire day preparing food and cleaning it up, and once it is clean, I prepare more food. And the cycle continues. 

Once again, I am managing to waste my entire morning with sitting at the computer so I am going to log off. But to all you mothers out there with the "toddler tryouts" and "preschool pouts" I raise my cup of coffee to you and take a large gulp. Brew a strong batch this morning, you're gonna need it! ;)

Summer Update

It's summer, the sun is shining (although not today), the weather is warming, and my kids are flawlessly getting up again at 6am. It doesn't matter what I do. It starts with one, usually Malakai screeching for his early morning bottle. This wakes up Caleb, who then proceeds to keep Malakai awake once he has finished his bottle. And as I try desperately to send him downstairs so that Selah doesn't wake up (if anyone needs her beauty sleep, its her :) and out she comes, quiet as a butterfly, flitting out of her room. Ah mornings. Once my solace, I cannot seem to get up earlier than my children anymore. No more peaceful walks, or rejuvinating showers alone. Now from the second I open my eyes, I am greeted with screeching, fighting, and the dreaded "maaaaaaama! Come wash my bum!" Now that Caleb is approaching 4, I am recognizing a pattern. It happens each summer, maybe it is the sun waking them up, or the birds chirping incessantly out their window. Whatever it is, each summer, the clock goes back and they start getting up earlier and earlier, and unfortunately getting whinier and whinier throughout the day.

Life in the Spooner household has taken on rocket form. I can't seem to keep up. Piano lessons, working for my parents, Jonathan's courses and overtime shifts, shopping trips, doctor trips, and more. I love to be busy, but without fail it starts to show in my personal life and right now, my house is lacking. Now that lessons are almost over, I am starting to have some more time and even so finding it incredibly hard to catch up in this area. I try, I will spend all day cleaning and be so proud of myself, but in an evening it is all destroyed and finding the strength and willpower to do it all again the next day is hard to muster up. I literally was cleaning and Malakai followed me deliberately pulling out ANYTHING I put away. I would throw something in the garbage, he would throw it back on the floor. My silent little destroyer, toddling along behind me, sucking his little soother. So cute I couldn't be angry. My garden never happened, although I did manage to half plant a little flower patch in the front yard. Malakai is walking now, everywhere. He is so cute, both Jonathan and I love this stage. He is trying to talk more, although sticks to kind of one sound for everything ("sucka" is the same for both his sucky, kee kee, and simon). It is so fun to watch him become his own little person, so very very different from his brother and sister. And for all you wondering souls out there, no, we are not pregnant. I am sapping up every last ounce of baby left in my little boy. Even changing his diaper has become something I love, I know it won't last that much longer and it is just one more moment I can see him as a baby.

Life is changing, our little family is growing and changing. There are new ages and stages and attitudes and fights that we deal with every day in our children. Life goes on, day by day, and we just try to keep up, tag a long, survive in the midst of it all. Reading back on my old posts, I realized I miss this. I love looking back and seeing the catalogue of our family written out. I may not do it as often as I once could, but I will try to write more frequently if for no other reason than for myself. Right now Malakai is screaming, Selah just "fluttered" out of her room and Caleb is yelling for me to come wash his bum, so I gotta go! Happy mornings everyone, hope yours aren't quite as early as mine :)

Sunday Morning Shenanigans

I have three kids, three toddlers. Three clingy, fussy, whiny children that refuse to leave my side for anything. Because of this, leaving the house for anything is always an "experience" resulting in at least one meltdown and a very stressed out mom (no caleb, don't run in front of the car, selah! don't hide on mom in the store, malakai, stop throwing groceries on the floor in protest). How do I cope? I stay home! This brings us to the long discussion regarding church. At this tender stage in our families life, church is not relaxing, there is no fellowship or sermon for us, it is one long gong show from beginning to end. It is exhausting. I don't want to go.

We have started to get more involved in our little congregation, which has brought me to lead worship once a month. Although it seems like a relatively minor commitment, with the kids it is nearly impossible. They won't stay in the back, I have to try to arrange someone to help watch them, or three people... they run up and down the aisles. It is embarrassing and just plain stressful.  To be honest, there are times I just want to throw my hands up in the air and protest, "I'm never leaving my house again!" And there are weeks I have skipped church for no reason other than I can't handle the drama of getting everyone ready and out the door just to meltdown and play in the back by ourselves the whole time. There is the side of me that longs for the fellowship and time of refreshing that church used to be. But lets be real, that time is not now. I do know that it is just a stage, but my usual motto of "grin and bear it" sometimes fails to cut it.

This morning I am leading worship with Jonathan. That means I have approx. 1 hour to wake up my kids (daylight savings time means they only got about 9 hours of sleep last night), get them dressed and fed, pack snacks to keep them occupied, gather all my music stuff, get ready, start the car to warm it, get the kids all packed and bundled and ready and get to church to practise. I have no one to watch the kids during practise, which means they will drag their toys all over the sanctuary, to which we will no doubt receive condescending eyebrows from at least one person. I am about to lead a worship service when my heart is just not in that place right now, I am tired people. Last night, someone mentioned to me that I need to perservere as I am not doing this for the people, but for God. My first reaction was "of course" and even scoffing such "sunday school basics". But on the drive home, I realized that I need some of the basics. I am not doing this to please the crowd, I am not doing it to make life easy, I do this for God. This is my offering to Him, and although it does not feel like it, I think the sacrifice makes it sweeter in His eyes. It is not easy, it is not fun, and at times I lose perspective and forget why I do it. So today, I can prepare for the worst, but instead I choose to just lay it in His arms. I honestly don't have the strength to even do it on my own at all. This is my offering, my sweat and stress and the "toddler drama", may God give me the heart of worship I am lacking today....

I think I'll start with a cup of tea!

Quote of the Day #1

I had this idea that I would write 20 blog posts with "quotes of the day" from my adorable children. Whilst listening to their babbling and talking, the cuteness seemed to seep from them and I had a hard time choosing which irresistible tidbit to share with you all. And so it was, during one of my afternoon banters with my dear husband, that the quote of the day was sealed... not by my children, but by my criminally hilarious husband.

Insert dreamy picture here...

As I usually write about my children, I know this slight deviation may be confusing. However, I cannot help but write this ode to my husband, my best friend, the man who drives me crazy, makes me angrier than I have ever been, has the innate ability to make me laugh like no one else, my partner in parenting, and  (whimsical sighs everywhere) my soulmate. I know some of you are grimacing from the pure cliche of it all, but trust me, our story is not a storybook romance. It has been a rough, windy, crazy road, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it.


The Story


It all started about 5 and a half years ago. Jonathan and I met at a church function. And although we were inexplicably attracted to one another, we quickly ascertained each others age and that was that. I was dead sure he was far too old for me and he, in turn, was convinced that I was much too young for him. And so, we saw each other throughout the summer with an approving eye and not much else in the way of conversation... I had my sights set on a little bit... um, fresher meat ;)

A few months later, said hunk walked into the store where I worked all dressed up in his work overalls and I was flabbergasted. I mean, literally. I blushed like a school girl, my fingers turned to jello and I had the most embarrassingly impossible time dishing up his ice cream (to my credit, it was my first time... and it is much harder than it looks). Although my husband adamantly denies it, he did not help the situation, turning to full charm mode and enjoying my blushes far more than he should have. Needless to say, the tides had turned, and I could not get him out of my head. Long story short.... I found his number through more horrible embarrassment (I called around asking for the number of the "Jonathan with the black hair" um...... wow, it pains me to admit it). Within a year of calling him (nearly to the day), we were married. And I have spent the past 4 1/2 years with this incredibly complex person that I found I really didn't know at all.

We are dangerously alike. We are both stubborn, intense, passionate, determined, bull-headed. I suppose I thought that the golden rule would apply and that opposites would naturally attract. I remember thinking in our first year of marriage that surely there had been some sort of mistake... surely God wouldn't choose the two most stubborn ox's in the world and put them together... in a new career, with a new baby on the way, in a new town, away from family. SURELY not??!?!?!?!? If it looks like a recipe for disaster... you wouldn't be far off the mark. That first year both of us went through huge changes in ourselves. We grew, I grew, and through our clashes of personality... we somehow grew closer together. It was the hardest thing I have done. But both of us look back on those years with fond memories. Not because it was fun, but because we can CLEARLY see the road. We can clearly see the changes in ourselves and eachother. It is true that iron sharpens iron, and it isn't pretty, and it isn't comfortable but somehow, despite our similarities, we fit together so well. Not because it was natural. Not because it was easy. But because we have literally ground each other, through compromises, through letting go and giving in... into one. I know it isn't always the way it works. I know many couples have amazing honeymoon phases, I know that opposites often do attract. But I look at myself, and at my strong husband, and I think that I wouldn't change it for the world. I needed someone to push me, I needed parts of myself to die. I needed to soften in some ways, grow harder in others. In essence, I feel as though God has changed me and formed me into someone who is a little bit more pleasing in his eyes (and I hope, in my husbands ;)

Anyways, I went off on a bit of a tangent there. But, now you know a little bit about myself, my husband, and what brought us together. I suppose I can share with you the quote of the day:

(in reference to picking up dog crap in the backyard)

"It's like it's alive and when you reach down to pick it up, it gets angry--and releases its pungent odour"

May this post give you a little glimpse into the inner workings of our family, our marriage, and the man that I call husband and friend. He can make me laugh like no one else and I am so thankful to have him in my life.

Doctor's Office Mayhem

I do not cry in public places. At least I try not to. I am IN CONTROL PEOPLE! At least, for the most part. Today, in a room full of people, I had my own personal meltdown, and cried... and to be honest, at the time, I didn't even care.

Today, my kids have had fevers for nearly 5 days straight. They are coughing, they are lethargic, they are scaring me. I decided to take all three of my little hooligans into the local walk in clinic. Now, I live in a small town... and I mean SMALL! There is a walk in clinic, but it is only open daily from 10-11. Knowing this, I tried to get there a bit early so as to miss the rush. As soon as I opened the front door, Malakai started coughing. "No big deal" I thought to myself as I made my way to the clinic just 5 minutes away. By the time we got there, he hadn't stopped once and he started to throw up foam because he was coughing so much. Jonathan is working today, but showed up at the clinic to help me cart everyone in. We walk in the doors to find only one seat available, the room is PACKED, we are the last patients they are taking because they are too full. The kids have to sit on the floor. Caleb just curls up to sleep on the floor, Malakai coughs. And coughs, and coughs, and coughs... and you get the picture. He would not stop people, I mean not even to cry in between, "hack, hack, hack". He starts throwing up, I am trying to catch it in my hand as I sign us in. I ask how long it is going to be, and am told that we are the last ones so at least 45 minutes to an hour. We sit down. I cry. Malakai still has not stopped, he can not stop, he keeps wanting water and then keeps throwing up foam. Jonathan goes to get some vicks to help soothe his very irritated little lungs. I watch people beside me cover their faces, turn away as if we are diseased and will infect them all. No one offers to help as I try desperately to catch handfuls of throwup in my hands with kleenex as I cry and wipe my tears with my other hand. No one offers to find a bucket. I am covered in puke, Malakai is covered in puke. Jonathan returns, he is in uniform by the way, people feel bad. It has now been 15 minutes, Malakai has not stopped coughing ONCE in this time period. The doctor finally asked to see the "hacking kid" in the waiting room. We got in before everyone, to be honest, I think they were most relieved to remove the germs than to get us helped. We cover Malakai in vicks, and voila, he stops! Caleb curls up on the waiting room chair and sleeps. My high energy boy... won't even sit upright. He lays down on the kitchen floor, the stairs. They are so sick. The doctor spent half an hour with us, checking ears, listening to lungs. At the end of it all, Malakai has bronchitis, Caleb doesn't but his fever is the highest and he is so lethargic that he is prescribed antibiotics as well. Selah is fine. Her usual adamant self ;) On the way out, they did give us free tylenol samples, 4 boxes! (Jonathan just went and bought a box... wasted $10). I waved to the waiting room, full of people who were all before me and thanked them for letting us in. Jonathan helped me by sitting in the car for nearly 20 minutes while we waited for antibiotics. I felt so bad, he had files piling up like crazy.

All in all, I can only say that it is over. It was one of the worst possible experiences of my life. I could NEVER have done it alone. I am glad that they have antibiotics, and I won't be letting Malakai in the cold air until he is better. Never in my life have I seen my son like that. It was scary. We will have to monitor both the boys and make sure that they get better, otherwise tomorrow you may hear a recap as we trek off to the ER for antibiotic fluids. I pray to GOD that that does not have to happen. I don't think I can handle any more.

Anyways, welcome to my trip to the doctor. And how was YOUR day?

The curveballs of life

I am learning, slowly it seems, that life is full of unexpected curveballs, I don't do well with the unexpected. I do much better with plans, well-thought-out ideas and goals, and schedules. Unexpected is BAD.

However, it seems that God thrills with the unexpected and even more so thrills at the prospect of watching me try to adapt and adjust to the unwelcome and chaotic ripples in my little world. My comfortable, safe little world. I take this to the extreme in that I never allow myself to think about, dream about, get excited about anything I can't plan for, for sure. This complicates things when you are married to an optimistic dreamer. (Really honey, I'm not a pessimist, just a realist :) However, as with any aspect of life, balance is key. I have found that although I don't claim to like it I can claim that the unexpected makes me stronger if I let it. When I am surprised with a new development in our lives, or when I hope for something and am let down... I have one of two options. I could do the regular reaction and get overwhelmed, annoyed, disappointed, etc. Or, I could rise to the occassion, seize the challenge and adapt, change. Luckily, God saw fit to make me extremely competitive, and often that is the only way for me to choose the second path. I make a competition for myself, I take the challenge head on, to prove to myself and the world, that I can.

A healthy reaction? I don't know, but hey, it works right? And so it is, that I find myself faced with the many unexpected challenges that come with having children. Three children. And a dog. And a cat. And a husband on night shifts that can never be planned around. And teaching piano. And trying to fit in the rest of life like friends, fun, and heaven forbid a little leftover time for myself!!!!! Let's face it, it's impossible. I can survive in this whirlwind that is my life. But I want to thrive, I want to enjoy it, I want my kids to enjoy it, I want to be the mom with the smile always on her face, who adores her kids and adores her life. How is this possible you ask? I have come to the realization that on my own strength it simply isn't doable. I am human, I snap, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, TIRED... My morning walk this morning gave me a few minutes to seek God and realize that He is asking me to find my strength in him. All those verses about God being your strength and your song have never made more sense to me than now. He is not only my strength, but my SONG, giving me JOY and MUSIC to my days, a twinkle to my eye, a bounce to my step, a song in my heart.

I have long been misguided and deceived into believing that there is a perfect recipe for success. Spend time with God each day, wake up at 6 each morning, blah blah blah. So when I am too tired to get up, or  the kids wake up too early and I don't get that time... I am screwed for the rest of the day, right? But really, all I need to do is include God in the everyday. When I am tired and just done, ask God for strength and motivation. When I am angry and annoyed, ask God for peace and joy. When I have worked incredibly hard at something and start to feel self-pity or the need for affirmation, seek that affirmation from Him. It is a day-long conversation rather than a one time magic phrase. In some ways, this is harder for me. It means setting a habit of remembering God, of praying all throughout the day. But somehow I know that this is just the beginning, God has my whole life to build in me a strong prayer life all I need to do is recognize it and try my best.

Wow, long post, lots of thoughts, but really nothing new, sorry if this one bored anyone :) I am just so consumed with life right now, that all I can sit down and write about is how to survive in the chaos :)

New Years Resolutions

Every year, the inevitable New Years resolution spew forth. "I vow to..." "This year, I am going to..." and the papers and articles mock us for our inability to stay resolute. Some argue that there is no point to forging a mere hope that you will just feel guilty over in a few weeks. I disagree. Life is full of motivational moments and seasons of falling off the band wagon. I, for one, intend to grasp ahold of anything that kicks me in the butt, short lasted or not. So it is, that I find myself thinking of what goals and aspirations I have for myself and my family for 2011.

1. I will try to get up earlier than my children each morning, go for a walk, have a coffee, do my devotions, and be alert and ready for the most important job I will ever have. I promise to try doing this whether I feel like it or not, whether I am exhausted or not, whether I am cheerful or not. I promise to no longer turn off my alarm, but rather get up despite my brains adamant refusal.

2. Consequently, I also will try to go to bed at a more decent time to facilitate the near impossible task of getting up early.

3. I will hop back on the bandwagon of ROUTINE with my children. Doing school and learning time with them each day, spending one on one time with them each day, having a regular bedtime routine, etc.

4. I will organize myself in order to continue on with piano lessons while ensuring that my kids do not suffer in the process. If this is unable to happen, I will cut some of my students in order to fulfill my duty and desire to put my kids first.

5. I will prioritize and schedule my daily life so that I am not wasting time on the computer or being lazy, but being a good steward of the short time I have with my children. (and increasingly short days with teaching piano)

6. We (I make this resolution on both Jonathan and my behalf) will pay off a good portion of debt this year, and be diligent and wise with our money. STICK TO THE BUDGET! :)

Alas, who knows how long these will last, I know myself and I know that time and time again I will be back in this place, on the ground watching the wagon go on without me. But I will not give up, time is so short, every day my kids grow and change and I refuse to miss out simply because I am not being wise with my time. I may not be able to do this on my own strength, but I pray that God will enable me to follow these goals, not just of my own making, but goals of His heart as well. Happy New Year everyone!