Doctor's Office Mayhem

I do not cry in public places. At least I try not to. I am IN CONTROL PEOPLE! At least, for the most part. Today, in a room full of people, I had my own personal meltdown, and cried... and to be honest, at the time, I didn't even care.

Today, my kids have had fevers for nearly 5 days straight. They are coughing, they are lethargic, they are scaring me. I decided to take all three of my little hooligans into the local walk in clinic. Now, I live in a small town... and I mean SMALL! There is a walk in clinic, but it is only open daily from 10-11. Knowing this, I tried to get there a bit early so as to miss the rush. As soon as I opened the front door, Malakai started coughing. "No big deal" I thought to myself as I made my way to the clinic just 5 minutes away. By the time we got there, he hadn't stopped once and he started to throw up foam because he was coughing so much. Jonathan is working today, but showed up at the clinic to help me cart everyone in. We walk in the doors to find only one seat available, the room is PACKED, we are the last patients they are taking because they are too full. The kids have to sit on the floor. Caleb just curls up to sleep on the floor, Malakai coughs. And coughs, and coughs, and coughs... and you get the picture. He would not stop people, I mean not even to cry in between, "hack, hack, hack". He starts throwing up, I am trying to catch it in my hand as I sign us in. I ask how long it is going to be, and am told that we are the last ones so at least 45 minutes to an hour. We sit down. I cry. Malakai still has not stopped, he can not stop, he keeps wanting water and then keeps throwing up foam. Jonathan goes to get some vicks to help soothe his very irritated little lungs. I watch people beside me cover their faces, turn away as if we are diseased and will infect them all. No one offers to help as I try desperately to catch handfuls of throwup in my hands with kleenex as I cry and wipe my tears with my other hand. No one offers to find a bucket. I am covered in puke, Malakai is covered in puke. Jonathan returns, he is in uniform by the way, people feel bad. It has now been 15 minutes, Malakai has not stopped coughing ONCE in this time period. The doctor finally asked to see the "hacking kid" in the waiting room. We got in before everyone, to be honest, I think they were most relieved to remove the germs than to get us helped. We cover Malakai in vicks, and voila, he stops! Caleb curls up on the waiting room chair and sleeps. My high energy boy... won't even sit upright. He lays down on the kitchen floor, the stairs. They are so sick. The doctor spent half an hour with us, checking ears, listening to lungs. At the end of it all, Malakai has bronchitis, Caleb doesn't but his fever is the highest and he is so lethargic that he is prescribed antibiotics as well. Selah is fine. Her usual adamant self ;) On the way out, they did give us free tylenol samples, 4 boxes! (Jonathan just went and bought a box... wasted $10). I waved to the waiting room, full of people who were all before me and thanked them for letting us in. Jonathan helped me by sitting in the car for nearly 20 minutes while we waited for antibiotics. I felt so bad, he had files piling up like crazy.

All in all, I can only say that it is over. It was one of the worst possible experiences of my life. I could NEVER have done it alone. I am glad that they have antibiotics, and I won't be letting Malakai in the cold air until he is better. Never in my life have I seen my son like that. It was scary. We will have to monitor both the boys and make sure that they get better, otherwise tomorrow you may hear a recap as we trek off to the ER for antibiotic fluids. I pray to GOD that that does not have to happen. I don't think I can handle any more.

Anyways, welcome to my trip to the doctor. And how was YOUR day?

The curveballs of life

I am learning, slowly it seems, that life is full of unexpected curveballs, I don't do well with the unexpected. I do much better with plans, well-thought-out ideas and goals, and schedules. Unexpected is BAD.

However, it seems that God thrills with the unexpected and even more so thrills at the prospect of watching me try to adapt and adjust to the unwelcome and chaotic ripples in my little world. My comfortable, safe little world. I take this to the extreme in that I never allow myself to think about, dream about, get excited about anything I can't plan for, for sure. This complicates things when you are married to an optimistic dreamer. (Really honey, I'm not a pessimist, just a realist :) However, as with any aspect of life, balance is key. I have found that although I don't claim to like it I can claim that the unexpected makes me stronger if I let it. When I am surprised with a new development in our lives, or when I hope for something and am let down... I have one of two options. I could do the regular reaction and get overwhelmed, annoyed, disappointed, etc. Or, I could rise to the occassion, seize the challenge and adapt, change. Luckily, God saw fit to make me extremely competitive, and often that is the only way for me to choose the second path. I make a competition for myself, I take the challenge head on, to prove to myself and the world, that I can.

A healthy reaction? I don't know, but hey, it works right? And so it is, that I find myself faced with the many unexpected challenges that come with having children. Three children. And a dog. And a cat. And a husband on night shifts that can never be planned around. And teaching piano. And trying to fit in the rest of life like friends, fun, and heaven forbid a little leftover time for myself!!!!! Let's face it, it's impossible. I can survive in this whirlwind that is my life. But I want to thrive, I want to enjoy it, I want my kids to enjoy it, I want to be the mom with the smile always on her face, who adores her kids and adores her life. How is this possible you ask? I have come to the realization that on my own strength it simply isn't doable. I am human, I snap, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, TIRED... My morning walk this morning gave me a few minutes to seek God and realize that He is asking me to find my strength in him. All those verses about God being your strength and your song have never made more sense to me than now. He is not only my strength, but my SONG, giving me JOY and MUSIC to my days, a twinkle to my eye, a bounce to my step, a song in my heart.

I have long been misguided and deceived into believing that there is a perfect recipe for success. Spend time with God each day, wake up at 6 each morning, blah blah blah. So when I am too tired to get up, or  the kids wake up too early and I don't get that time... I am screwed for the rest of the day, right? But really, all I need to do is include God in the everyday. When I am tired and just done, ask God for strength and motivation. When I am angry and annoyed, ask God for peace and joy. When I have worked incredibly hard at something and start to feel self-pity or the need for affirmation, seek that affirmation from Him. It is a day-long conversation rather than a one time magic phrase. In some ways, this is harder for me. It means setting a habit of remembering God, of praying all throughout the day. But somehow I know that this is just the beginning, God has my whole life to build in me a strong prayer life all I need to do is recognize it and try my best.

Wow, long post, lots of thoughts, but really nothing new, sorry if this one bored anyone :) I am just so consumed with life right now, that all I can sit down and write about is how to survive in the chaos :)

New Years Resolutions

Every year, the inevitable New Years resolution spew forth. "I vow to..." "This year, I am going to..." and the papers and articles mock us for our inability to stay resolute. Some argue that there is no point to forging a mere hope that you will just feel guilty over in a few weeks. I disagree. Life is full of motivational moments and seasons of falling off the band wagon. I, for one, intend to grasp ahold of anything that kicks me in the butt, short lasted or not. So it is, that I find myself thinking of what goals and aspirations I have for myself and my family for 2011.

1. I will try to get up earlier than my children each morning, go for a walk, have a coffee, do my devotions, and be alert and ready for the most important job I will ever have. I promise to try doing this whether I feel like it or not, whether I am exhausted or not, whether I am cheerful or not. I promise to no longer turn off my alarm, but rather get up despite my brains adamant refusal.

2. Consequently, I also will try to go to bed at a more decent time to facilitate the near impossible task of getting up early.

3. I will hop back on the bandwagon of ROUTINE with my children. Doing school and learning time with them each day, spending one on one time with them each day, having a regular bedtime routine, etc.

4. I will organize myself in order to continue on with piano lessons while ensuring that my kids do not suffer in the process. If this is unable to happen, I will cut some of my students in order to fulfill my duty and desire to put my kids first.

5. I will prioritize and schedule my daily life so that I am not wasting time on the computer or being lazy, but being a good steward of the short time I have with my children. (and increasingly short days with teaching piano)

6. We (I make this resolution on both Jonathan and my behalf) will pay off a good portion of debt this year, and be diligent and wise with our money. STICK TO THE BUDGET! :)

Alas, who knows how long these will last, I know myself and I know that time and time again I will be back in this place, on the ground watching the wagon go on without me. But I will not give up, time is so short, every day my kids grow and change and I refuse to miss out simply because I am not being wise with my time. I may not be able to do this on my own strength, but I pray that God will enable me to follow these goals, not just of my own making, but goals of His heart as well. Happy New Year everyone!

My Christmas Poem

 Christmas is upon us, I don't know what to say

My kids are sick, my dog does lick, my days just waste away

"So much to do, so little time", the phrase that haunts my sleep

The coffee drips, the coke I sip, my sanity to keep

Lights are up on every house, that is except for mine

My list is long, "someday" my song, "next year will be just fine"

Next year I'll start traditions, I'll try to keep up pace

'Better organization', I think, 'will help me to save face'

But alas each year comes and goes, my best laid plans awry

I grab my seat and buckle in, and struggle not to cry

And so it is, the day has come, I'm at a loss of words

To continue on in chaos or break off from the Christmas herd?

I pull the chord, I stop the train, I grab my kids and leave

I refuse to keep this crazy pace and forget what I believe

Santa's sleigh, little green elfs, and rudolph's big red nose

These are just a passing story, one that comes and goes

And so it is I leave the list, I sit down to enjoy

The wonders of the season, each little girl and boy

My kids' awe at each big flake that falls down from the sky

The sparkle in their eyes as they beg for Apple pie

The smell of pine and cinnamon, the sound of Christmas cheer

And the story of the one who came to spread hope far and near

Merry Christmas everyone! Oh, and Jonathan does actually have lights up, it is a metaphor for all the other things that are NOT done this year ;)

Vacation Survival Guide

After recently embarking on our first family vacation, I think I have come back a wiser woman. Traveling with children is never easy, but traveling with three children under 3 was definitely.... memorable :) Needless to say, from long car trips, to fast-food, to ferry rides, to hotels, here are a few of the things I learned along the way.

Tantrums, Meltdowns, and Domestic Disasters

After driving all afternoon, we finally arrived at our first stop. And it begins... unload kids, unload playpens, unload suitcases, bring in the diaper bag, bring in blankets and other items of attachment. Go in, get kids in their pajama's, feed them snacks, put them to bed. Run back to the car for all the things we have forgotten along the way. An hour later, the kids finally finally fell asleep and we crawled into bed, exhausted and preparing for the wake-up call at 4:30am.
12:00am... Malakai wakes up for a bottle. By the time I get it ready and come back to him he is asleep. Run back up and put the bottle in the fridge.
1:00am... Selah throws up. Over everything! Look for a washing machine, unsuccessful, hope you can get it washed in time for tomorrow.
2:00am-Caleb wakes up crying. Run upstairs looking for throw-up containers... just in case. He is fine. Go back to sleep.

4:30am-Time to get up and go! I get ready, wake up the kids (Selah throws up again), and we rush to the ferry.
Can you say gong show?!?!?!?! Needless to say, we did it. We got there. Selah was exhausted, sick, and basically a walking meltdown. I have never dealt with my kids in such extreme circumstances. So many things to remember, danger lurks in every corner. They wander off, trying to keep our eyes on them at all times. Now that I look back I really don't know how I did it, somehow you just do it. You just get by. You still find joy in the circumstances, despite the screaming child in your arms. You are tired, you are annoyed, but you are excited and in awe of all the new things. Watching Caleb run around on the boat, watching their eyes light up as they looked out at the water. Through pouring rain, we persevered. And it was one of the best experiences of my life!

So, vacation survival tip number 1: Don't let your child hold you back. They might be screaming, fighting, kicking. They might be exhausted and hungry and grumpy, but often if you just stick it out, drag them to the beach despite the circumstances, most likely you will be glad you did. You get to experience something new, they often snap out of it, if only for a short while, and together you get to explore and experience something incredible together.

Practical tips:

1. If you are in the car for a long time, pack each child a separate car bag. Fill it with little toys such as cars, action figurines, mini animals, water, blankies, etc. This was my SAVIOUR! The kids played with those little things all the way there and if ever you are at someone's house who has no toys, you can bring it in and your kids are entertained. LIFE SAVER!

2. Bring movies and a DVD player, the investment is WELL worth it!

3. Be prepared for the worst, pack advil for you, gravol and children's tylenol, etc. And don't forget a puke bucket! Might save you a boatload of grief.

4. Food, food, and more food. When you kids are melting down, food is the way to their hearts! Have snacks, granola bars, juice, cookies, etc. ready at a moments notice. Now that I have done this, I would ditch the diaper bag and food bag and just pack a medium duffel bag with tons of diapers, medicine, snacks, etc. Then when you are going somewhere, you can just throw a diaper in your purse and you have everything together.

5. HAND SANITIZER!

6. Don't worry about their schedules. My kids need their sleep, they were up until all hours of the night, every night. They missed naps, I thought they would be disasters. No doubt about it, they had their moments. But then they would snap out of it when they saw the crashing waves, or the aquarium, or touched a starfish for the first time, or heard the ferry horn blasting... I have never been so amazed at their resilience or so proud of their ability to take each moment.

7. Go with someone else. Yes, sometimes it is annoying when you want to do something, or they want to do something, but you can always split up. In the long run, you have two extra adults, extra eyes and hands, someone to laugh with when you feel like crying as your kids throw themselves on the floor screaming.... again. Someone to foot the bill of food and accommodations. Someone for the kids to play with.

8. Either bring a little potty so your kids can pee on the side of the road or (if you have boys) a water bottle that they can pee in (works great!).

9. COFFEE!

10. If you are staying in a cabin as opposed to a hotel, find out about laundry. You can pack less clothes and just wash everything every night.

Overall, the episodes of craziness were worse than anything I have experienced. But the location, the new sights, the excitement, the sense of family and closeness as we explored and learned together, made it all worth it. We plan on going back again next year, and this time, hopefully, I will be more prepared :)

Bittersweet Baby

I recently was able to be at the hospital and see my brand new little niece just minutes after she was born. As I held this adorable little bundle in my arms and saw her look up at me in wonder and seemingly deep thought, I began to contemplate the many emotions, feelings, and thoughts running through my head. Undoubtedly I felt a pang of wanting another one. Who wouldn't? But the most prominent emotion I felt? I wanted to come home and hold Malakai. In my head, he is still my little baby. I literally hardly stayed at the hospital. I sped all the way home and cuddled all my babies in my arms.

I will be very clear: we want more kids. I want more kids. I have always wanted a large family, and having children has only strengthened this desire in me. Being a mother is everything I thought it would be and more! Of course it isn't all peaches and cream all the time, but my children are my world. When a brand new little baby, who looks like Jonathan and I is placed in my arms. When those little babies cuddle with you and look up into your eyes and coo and smile, who wouldn't fall in love?

Needless to say, although we want more I am so content with my little family right now. I have one in the preschool stage, one in the toddler (heaven help me) and one still in baby stage. I am busy, I am happy, and I am wanting for nothing. When we do get pregnant again I will be thrilled, but for now I am content to cuddle with Malakai. In fact, I almost don't want it to change for a bit :) Bet you never thought you'd hear those words from me eh?

Homeschooling: Week One

Well, we are officially about a week in to homeschooling, I started with the kids on saturday (they don't know that is a weekend) as soon as I got my books in. Most of the books are too advanced for Selah, all she wants to do is color, put the lids on and off of the felts, and play with her new pencil case :) But Caleb is getting into it. He is learning his alphabet, his numbers, we are working on signs, he is coloring and reinforcing his colors and we do bible every day. Here is my school schedule, a look at what actually happens:

7:00am-wake the kids, eat breakfast, get them dressed and ready
7:30am-chore time (this has not been going over as well as I thought, it could be renamed as "whining hour" as that is all they do, but I am trying to get them to help out with a cheerful attitude)
8:00am-bible time (here we do a bible story, pray, I play the piano and we sing little songs, they dance to music and then we sometimes do some art (basically color))
8:30am-school time. What I thought would take me an hour, takes me about half that time, but we just color, I turn on some music and they bounce away. We talk about our colors, caleb and I work through the alphabet, etc.
9:00am-here we watch signing time together and I make them sign each word
9:30-we get ready for activity time from 10-12 (sometimes this is the library, or playgroup, or bible study, etc.)
12:00-lunch and naps


It isn't totally smoothed out. I have discovered that the teaching aspect is pretty relaxed. Especially with Selah. However, Caleb is learning. He has not known his ABC's other than the tune of the song he would fumble along to. Now he can point out nearly all the letters of the alphabet. He is learning his numbers, he knows his colors, and he is genuinely absorbing the bible stories each day. You can't really homeschool a 2 and 3 year old, more than anything my "homeschooling" is just doing learning activities with them and spending more one on one time. The schedule is more for me than them. They watch way less TV, I am a scheduled person and enjoy the structure, and so do they. They are learning to help out around the house and learning about God. Because of that, it is worth it. Even if I feel like it is going in one ear and out the other. The other day at the store, Caleb was looking at the flowers "mom, God made the flowers!" What a gift to know that he is storing these little "lessons" in his heart. My kids are happier, they are (hopefully) getting on a schedule, they are learning how to learn, and I am spending time with them each day.

Therefore, I deem "homeschooling" my toddlers a success :)