However, it seems that God thrills with the unexpected and even more so thrills at the prospect of watching me try to adapt and adjust to the unwelcome and chaotic ripples in my little world. My comfortable, safe little world. I take this to the extreme in that I never allow myself to think about, dream about, get excited about anything I can't plan for, for sure. This complicates things when you are married to an optimistic dreamer. (Really honey, I'm not a pessimist, just a realist :) However, as with any aspect of life, balance is key. I have found that although I don't claim to like it I can claim that the unexpected makes me stronger if I let it. When I am surprised with a new development in our lives, or when I hope for something and am let down... I have one of two options. I could do the regular reaction and get overwhelmed, annoyed, disappointed, etc. Or, I could rise to the occassion, seize the challenge and adapt, change. Luckily, God saw fit to make me extremely competitive, and often that is the only way for me to choose the second path. I make a competition for myself, I take the challenge head on, to prove to myself and the world, that I can.
A healthy reaction? I don't know, but hey, it works right? And so it is, that I find myself faced with the many unexpected challenges that come with having children. Three children. And a dog. And a cat. And a husband on night shifts that can never be planned around. And teaching piano. And trying to fit in the rest of life like friends, fun, and heaven forbid a little leftover time for myself!!!!! Let's face it, it's impossible. I can survive in this whirlwind that is my life. But I want to thrive, I want to enjoy it, I want my kids to enjoy it, I want to be the mom with the smile always on her face, who adores her kids and adores her life. How is this possible you ask? I have come to the realization that on my own strength it simply isn't doable. I am human, I snap, I get overwhelmed, frustrated, TIRED... My morning walk this morning gave me a few minutes to seek God and realize that He is asking me to find my strength in him. All those verses about God being your strength and your song have never made more sense to me than now. He is not only my strength, but my SONG, giving me JOY and MUSIC to my days, a twinkle to my eye, a bounce to my step, a song in my heart.
I have long been misguided and deceived into believing that there is a perfect recipe for success. Spend time with God each day, wake up at 6 each morning, blah blah blah. So when I am too tired to get up, or the kids wake up too early and I don't get that time... I am screwed for the rest of the day, right? But really, all I need to do is include God in the everyday. When I am tired and just done, ask God for strength and motivation. When I am angry and annoyed, ask God for peace and joy. When I have worked incredibly hard at something and start to feel self-pity or the need for affirmation, seek that affirmation from Him. It is a day-long conversation rather than a one time magic phrase. In some ways, this is harder for me. It means setting a habit of remembering God, of praying all throughout the day. But somehow I know that this is just the beginning, God has my whole life to build in me a strong prayer life all I need to do is recognize it and try my best.
Wow, long post, lots of thoughts, but really nothing new, sorry if this one bored anyone :) I am just so consumed with life right now, that all I can sit down and write about is how to survive in the chaos :)
