Just out of my reach! Letting go of expectations.

Today, I had a meltdown. Don't you lie to me! I can just picture you starting to put on the passive mask of indifference "oh really, a meltdown? That's too bad!" You know what I'm talking about... that day when all the little things that drive you crazy throughout the days/weeks/months come to a head and you lose it. It may be exploding in frustration, or crying into the porridge, or locking yourself into the school room with your coffee to "breathe". Or, if you were me today, all of the above.

I woke up early, good start! I felt good, not my usual exhausted self. I had coffee, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen. It was 8am when everything started to deteriorate. It's the little things, throwing a load in the laundry and realizing that the dirty clothes have mixed with the clean clothes and laundry is all of a sudden doubled for the day. Then moving on to the school room to discover the kids got in to make you a "special craft" and it is utterly destroyed (as was my sanity at that point). After cleaning that up, I attempted to make an early lunch and all my kitchen cupboards had lost any semblance of the order they had been arranged in just a few weeks past. And I lost it. I vented frustration to the kids for not helping out, then I kicked them outside to finish lunch and cried into the muffin tins (a little extra salty tang in those bran muffins today). Then I took my sacred coffee to the sanctity of my school room and locked myself away, where I tried to understand the total spiral the day had taken. And to be brutally honest, I didn't get very far. But here are some of my many scattered thoughts.

It's just out of my reach: the answer.

That right curriculum that will work for the kids, for me, and fill all the gaps. The routine that will help me manage my home and build healthy habits to be more organized and on top of things. The ability to get up early and wear anything without an elastic waistband. I spend all my time searching for the answer to my problems, trying to find a way OUT of them, to fix them because I feel like if I don't I will crumble under the weight of my failure. But the alternative, letting go, seems just as unattainable to me.

The best I can figure is it has to be somewhere in between. Feeling like I can't operate in a disorganized mess, that's part of who I am. Letting go of that is just not in my make up. I really do think it is key to having a more successful day. However, finding that system, those bins, that bookshelf, that curriculum, to make our home schooling days idyllic... maybe that is not as practical of an expectation. Trying to blend my teaching style with 4 different children's learning styles, with four different levels, with everyone needing my help and only one of me... severely limits what kind of program I can do. It may not be the perfect fit for me or the kids, but it might be the only thing that works in our family until they can do their work more independently. And although getting up and doing my face and hair is a nice goal, I have to give myself grace for those rough nights or those mornings (um, seems to be every morning) when the alarm makes me want to crawl in a cave.

I have to change what I can realistically change in my environment, routine, supplies but also learn how to let go of "perfect".

A true perfectionist can look like a total slob. They are the ones who have the Martha Stewart meal in the oven with their perfectly organized bins and vintage dress and hairstyle one day, but the other 9 days you see them they are a total mess. The reason for this is that if they can't do it PERFECT, they don't do it at all. Anything less is unacceptable. And this is the hardest thing for me to let go of, being willing to do my best in the moment rather than living in extremes.

Well, dear reader, after this highly unpredictable day I can say that I finally do have the answer. I have found that perfect balance, I have written it down in a ten step plan for success that will revolutionize my home and create perfectly balanced children!

1. Wake up: time is not important, the important thing is that you got out of bed this morning! Give yourself a pat on the back and a verbal expression of your overall awesomeness

2. Start thinking about dinner, for TOMORROW: if you start thinking about dinner by 7am today, you are pretty much guaranteed to have an idea of what you want to make by the time 4:00 rolls around tomorrow! 

3. Shower: even if you look like a total hag afterwards, the important thing is that you will FEEL like you accomplished something and you are taking an important step forward into your day.

4. Eat a balanced breakfast: what you eat is completely inconsequential, but be sure to drink your daily allotment of caffeine, your kids will thank you!

5. Make it Fun! Dance and sing as often as you can for the kids, then if the day is a total bust and nothing gets accomplished, the kids will still think it was an epic day.

6. Make a very long list of embarrassingly simple tasks: ie. change the baby's diaper, make lunch, turn on the coffee maker, etc. Checking off each item will make you feel accomplished and give you a positive outlook on the day.

7. MUSIC: turn on inspiring and/or fast paced music loudly and often. This will help motivate you or at the least make you think about being motivated in a fond manner. In the very least, the neighbors will think you are doing something productive with all that Katy Perry. "Baby you're a firework!"

8. Blog: writing about your thoughts and dreams, although not actually doing them, is an excellent way to keep them in the forefront of your mind so you can do them another day.

9. Update social media: Take pictures and selfies each time you accomplish something in order to post them to social media sites throughout the day. Each virtual thumbs up you receive will make you feel like a winner and help validate you as a mother, homemaker, and woman. Try not to think about the time you are wasting doing this simple practice, soon it will become a complete habit and you won't even know you are doing it.

10. Lastly, if all else fails... do a ten minute tidy up before hubby gets home from work. Men are notoriously blind to detail and they will think you have had a very productive day. Fake it until you make it right?

Ok, so polite chuckles aside, I do NOT have the answer. Life never lets you get too comfortable and just when you start to think you have it, there's a new dynamic to adjust to. However, I feel like I have some understanding and will be working very hard to be more realistic with my expectations for myself, my home, homeschooling, etc.

Signing out!

Experience God Curriculum Review 1

Hello again from the land of homeschooling! I have been really enjoying my new mother goose time curriculum, but I thought I would share this week about their add on program, "Experiencing God".

This is a Christian program that can be used either as an add-on to the mother goose time, it has a schedule for how to incorporate this directly with your daily routine. OR you could use this as a complete Sunday school program. It comes with 4 crafts in the bag, enough to do one per sunday school week as well as an interactive Bible story, and activity ideas.

The teacher resource kit for the month is $15 and then the student packs are $5/student. So if you had a sunday school class of 10 children, it would be $50 for 10 student packs and then $15 for your teacher pack. For my homeschool classroom it would be $15 for my kit and then with four kids (NO way my older kids won't want in on this, they are addicted to mother goose time) it would be $35/month.

Let's start with the story. This month it is about Adam and Eve. The story came with 7 bright story picture cards with the reading printed on the backside of the cards. What sets this program apart is that it is so hands on. While you read, you get the kids to do various actions. I have NEVER had my kids (6/7 year olds included) listen so intently to a story. It is amazing what "put your finger to your nose, crawl around like an animal, wave your right hand" etc. does for a kid. Just when they are starting to lose interest, the story throws in an action and BAM! They're glued to the page again waiting for their next clue. It is awesome. I don't know why I haven't thought of this before. I have had such a hard time with bible in the past, just holding the kids attention.

Moving along, we started with the first weeks craft, which was making Herb the Turtle. The littles had so much fun with the craft. Then to top it all off they went outside and got some dirt and then got to plant the seeds it came with to make their own "garden". It was such a cool activity and full of questions to ask the kids and ideas of where you could take the lesson. I was so impressed. It took us about 20 minutes for the story and the craft.

On to the picture portion of the review. My favorite part. Here is a closeup of my teachers guide for the craft:

 

Please note that this is only the craft portion of my teacher guide, in the lesson portion there are a ton of activities and questions that I could do with the kids as well.

 

And just so you can see our botched attempt (we did it upside down ;)



 

 

Both the littles were so into this craft. They were so excited. They got to paint! I never bring out the paint because it is just a mess, but honestly they did so well and had so much fun. And all I had to provide was the glue!

Have I mentioned I love this program? ;)

You can find more information at: http://www.mothergoosetime.com/christian-program/

 

 

Mother Goose Time: Review 1

Hi everyone, I am so excited to share with you this amazing new curriculum that I (how is this even possible?!?!?!) had never heard of. It is a preschool curriculam, but it is easily comprehensive enough to use for kindergarten if you supplement with writing and math. Consequently, I have dropped all curriculum I was previously doing with Malakai (kindergarten) and am doing this program with both him and Aliyah (and Caleb and Selah are doing it to because it is so fun they don't want to be left out ;)

Mother Goose Time pretty much accomplishes these main goals for me:

• It is a super fun program! Think songs, dance, activities, crafts, games, posters, centres, etc.
• It is relatively inexpensive (about $60 each theme month pack you purchase- including all your teacher supplies, CD's, planning books, as well as the daily bagged activities for your child)
• It is so so so easy to teach (think teacher planner books with everything laid out, and student bags for each day that you just open up and go)
• It has the possibility to be a NO PREP PROGRAM! Somewhere a heavenly chorus is singing "Hallelujah!"

So enough of the writing… if you're anything like me, you want to see some examples! 

To start with, this is what I got in the mail:

What a cute box! See that welcome kit on top? That comes for free for first time subscribers, it includes your teacher guide, your CD's your student scrapbook (two pages they fill from each month's theme, great for reporting!) how to use the program, etc. It also contains different centre posters if you want to set up centres in your schoolroom, colour birds, a calendar with daily cutouts, EVERYTHING you need to set up a bulletin board, a poster to put up, a map of the world. Etc. Heres a close up of some of what is in the teachers kit

Then I moved down and found my curriculum! It goes down in order, so I put it all back afterwards to save the mess and will just pull them out one by one each day. Here is a sneak peak at what the weekly bags look like: 

The month of November's theme is rainforest. It talks about different animals, different colours, etc. To be honest, I don't know yet because we have only done one day, but I can't wait to get further into this box. Malakai (5) and Aliyah (2), who are usually playing while I talk, were GLUED to this! They LOVED the songs, loved doing the craft, were so excited to open the bag up. The older kids were so disappointed they didn't get to do more. The best part is, you could do as much or as little as you wanted with this program. The lesson plan tells you what you can do all day long. Including when to take breaks for snack and lunch. You could follow it to a T. Go out on nature walks and build your building centre with sticks, do a craft, play a game, etc. Its all there laid out for you in the teachers lesson book. 

This program would be AMAZING for daycares, preschools, homeschool families, etc. It keeps the kids highly entertained and you don't have to stress about having everything you need and preparing for your lesson. Just open up your bag and you have everything you need except the scissors and glue. 

Here is Malakai's craft from the bag of day one, they made a collage. It came with confetti, glitter, paper, animals to cut out, tissue paper, and they went wild. 

What else can I say? Except, go to the website! Check out the different monthly themes, the extras that are available! You can find them at www.mothergoosetime.com 

I will be posting weekly pictures and reviews of what the kids think of it as well as myself. Stay tuned and let me know if you have any questions!  

Caleb the Keener

Today Caleb exclaimed from the living room "mom! Seagulls are mating!" I ran over to see what he was talking about, mildly concerned, only to see seagulls flying over the beach down the road.

I asked him how he knew this and he went on to explain that he had watched a documentary about birds, and they were going to lay their eggs now.

Gosh this kid.

When trying to find a fun picture that expressed Caleb, I came across this video. Nothing could describe him better.

He is so smart, so strong, so bold and courageous and mature and responsible. He is the enforcer, always concerned that everyone is doing what they should and no one is being hurt. He tries SO HARD to be funny, but lacks the natural hilarity of Selah and Malakai. But thats him, always trying his best. Caleb the keener, the people pleaser.


Man I love this kid!

Hidden Treasures

I think we have established the complete and total racetrack of my days. Because of this general speed of light that I operate at, I find I often miss those little moments. Those hidden treasures that I feel like God has placed throughout my day to give me glimpses of heaven. 

Anyone read 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp? If not, stop reading this blog and go out and purchase it ASAP, borrow it from your local library, buy it on your kindle, borrow it from a friend. GET THIS BOOK! It is so well written, so poetic, so beautiful, and it helps to put life into perspective. 

She starts seeing the gifts that are in her everyday, the gifts she misses. She starts being thankful for everything. The way the light reflects off the soap bubbles as she does the dishes kind of everything. I need some of that thankfulness and perspective in my life. So today, when I was working at the computer and heard my four year old worshiping at the top of his lungs, I grabbed my phone and snuck in for a close encounter. 

What a gift! Especially when he wasn't preforming, he didn't even know I was there. He was just rocking out with Jesus. I was so blessed to see this. Tempted to think "phew, at least I am doing something right" but really, it isn't me. I can't take the credit for this. This moment my four year old is having all on his own, thats God. That's God answering my deepest prayer, to meet with my kids. To be real to them. To show himself to them in a real and tangible way that their faith would truly be THEIRS even at this young age.

So instead I thank God, that even when I fail, even when I miss those moments, he is faithful. Faithful to fill in the many gaps I leave behind.

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

Hippie Homeschoolers: WHY?!?!?!?

For those of you who don't know, I homeschool our kids. You might wonder WHY, and I'm going to tell you. A lot of my reasons come from personal experience.

I was home schooled along with my siblings. In my growing up years there were four of us, really close in age, and we all did school together. I tried school out for half of grade 2, for grade 6, and again in high school. It was nothing special and I hated it. I LOVED being home schooled. My family were my best friends. I built relationships with them that I would never have had otherwise. I was a homebody and I never felt uncomfortable or pressured or awkward at home. I never felt judged or unsure of myself or stupid. I felt SAFE. Every day. I could wear what I wanted to wear without a second thought, I could make mistakes, I could learn what I wanted to learn about, and I got to do it alongside people who loved me. It was one of the great highlights of my childhood. The school part came easy to me, I ended up advancing two grades by the time high school came around. I went to our local high school and graduated when I had just turned 16 years old! I hope you don't think me conceited when I say that we were all very mature for our age. I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that instead of being put in a fish bowl of only children our own age growing up (which is unnatural when you think about the real world AFTER high school), we learned to communicate and express ourselves and be comfortable around people of all ages.

When Jonathan and I first got married, we talked a lot about homeschooling. He thought public school was fine, I mean he turned out okay! (thats debatable ;) We debated back and forth. But it all changed when he started working more closely with the schools around us. By the time our kids were old enough to really start thinking about school, he was the complete opposite. He has become my strongest supporter, my biggest advocate. On the days when I question if we are doing the right thing or if I can handle this, he keeps me going and reminds me why we do this. He is passionate about our decision to homeschool and does what he can to support the decision (because in the end, it is ME that does it).

So that leaves us with my own reasons why, other than the fact that I loved it and saw the benefits of it personally. Do I think they get a better education one on one instead of in a classroom ratio of 1:24? Yes. Do I think they are building closer relationships with their siblings and with us? Yes. But those aren't my primary reasons. I think my kids will thrive in the school system. They will love it. And school is less about the education as much as it is about learning how to learn and developing a love for it. In light of that, my decision is based on the here and now, elementary school, the early years. In their day to day environment, my kids don't ever have to feel dumb, inadequate, unsure of themselves, embarrassed, self conscious, bullied, unsafe, or confused. They are comfortable 100% of the time. They are safe and secure in who they are and are free to express themselves in any way without fear of rebuttal or what people will think of them. Does this mean I protect my kids from the real world? Absolutely not! At this age, they still experience all those things in various groups or outings. Such as group classes they are involved in, friendships outside of our family, church, heck even the playground! They have felt bullied or dealt with kids that they just didn't know how to handle. They have dealt with peer pressure and been embarrassed or unsure of themselves. That is life, that is childhood. But it is not in their face every single day. And because of this, they are incredibly sure of themselves and self-confident.

Another primary reason we choose to homeschool is to ground our children in their faith. To give them time to form roots, ask questions, experience it for themselves before they go into a school environment where it becomes a religious vacuum. Not just the basics of our faith, but our values. In this day and age, everything is under re-evaluation, including basics like gender. I am all for gender equality, but now we are transitioning to the gender spectrum. There are no more boy and girl, that just creates confusion and stigma. Now there is a spectrum and your child is free to explore where they fit on that spectrum. You don't want to go to the "boys" bathroom? Then go where you feel comfortable! This is approved and being implemented in schools across BC. I want to teach my children MY values, not the governments. I want to instil what I believe, I want them to be confident in who they were created to be, a boy or a girl. Not told that those don't exist. This is one of my primary reasons for homeschooling, our values, our faith, these not only will not be taught in the public school setting but they won't be accepted. Where does that leave my children? Caught in between two opposing worlds?

Now for the disclaimer to calm everyones nerves: I know that most people don't homeschool and I don't want you to think I judge you AT ALL. If you knew how many times I had considered just putting them in for a year, you would know this. Homeschooling is our journey, it is our choice. We do it because we have a list a mile long full of reasons that just haven't changed at this point for us. However, it is HARD. It is a huge sacrifice. I am so jealous of all the mommas out there who take their little ones to school and drop them off! And like I said, I think my kids would love school and will, when the time comes. I don't think we will homeschool forever. I have plenty of teacher friends and I respect what they do and I don't think school is "evil" in any way. However, let me ask you this, do you judge me?

Bedtime Battles

Who doesn't love a funny story? Especially when pertaining to family life. We can all relate to them, picture ourselves in them, and appreciate them. They make us feel a little bit warmer inside when we look at our own chaos and realize we're not alone, or better yet, not as bad as we thought.

So, dear readers, I am going to give you a big case of the warm fuzzies. You are going to walk away from your computer and face your world with a new sense of accomplishment and purpose. So pour yourself some creamer with a side of coffee and enjoy the ride.

Bedtime has become the most dreaded hour, nay 3 hours, in my day. I used to look forward to bedtime, yearn for it, count down the seconds until that blessed hour. Now I cringe when the clock says 6:30, I don't know if I am ready for this. Maybe I need a glass of wine before I start this war. I mean, come on people, its one against 5! I'm outnumbered, outmanoeuvred and simply put, outLASTED every darned night. By the time they finally submit, I raised the white flag an hour before. I have tried EVERY. LIVING. THING to get them to sleep. Routines, bath times with lavender, sitting outside their doors with the door open, switching beds around. The only thing that has had some semblance of success is the separation policy. Divide and conquer right? Each kid in their own room. The problem is that my house becomes a casualty of war and I can't go into any room in my home where there isn't a sleeping child to disturb. And honestly, my older three kids know better!

It didn't used to be like this. Bedtime used to be fairly simple. I don't know if it is having 3 kids in one room that has tipped the scales (who can sleep with that adorable squealing little girl vying for their attention???) or if it is just blatant disrespect. You might be thinking that 7pm is too early for bedtime, I have even been willing to concede on this point. I let Caleb and Selah stay up until 8 reading quietly in their room. It doesn't stop the complete and total gong show that is happening in the other room and "quietly" is open to interpretation on their behalf.

Aliyah still needs naps, but not every day. The days that she naps, there is NO way she goes to bed before about 10pm. She then keeps up Malakai and Janiah. Malakai just plays off the girls, enjoying every moment of this fun game in the girls room (we moved him from Calebs room in hopes of a better nights sleep, ha!). Janiah wakes up whenever we move one of our separation victims back in at 9 or 10pm and plays for a good hour thus waking up the others all over again.

Am I losing you yet? I think I lost myself a long time ago. We need more rooms in our house! I have a foamie permanently set up in my living room right now, seriously! I just explain to our guests that we are having bedtime battles right now. Yaaaaaa, they get it right????

Sigh, who am I kidding? We need to find something that works and soon! At this point I am ready to move caleb and selah into the laundry room and Janiah in by herself. I am so ready to just lay my kids down to sleep and have them…. wait for it…. OBEY! So ready for the whining all day long to stop because my kids are getting proper rest.

So this morning, think about how your bedtimes are going. I can almost guarantee they are going better than mine. And as you sip that warm, steaming coffee or tea in your hands, may the story of my nightly battles bring you a little smile and a proverbial pat on the back. You got this! I mean, as long as you are doing better than me, you got this ;)

Signing out