Super Moms

Have you ever looked at another mom, or any woman for that matter, who just does everything right? They are up at the crack of dawn, they make a healthy breakfast each morning, they do family devotions, their kids are well-behaved and perfect and for heavens sake! Why are they always baking!!?!?!?!?! Yes, I have met moms like this, I refer to them as super moms. They make me feel guilty about feeding my kids cereal EVERY DAY! Or guilty for raising my voice when I get frustrated. They also inspire me and make me want to be a better mom, do more for my kids. It is a love/hate relationship with those moms, and I can't help but wonder why.

Hold that thought for a minute and come along with me on my morning walk. I haven't gone on it for over a month now and I decided to try this morning. I had forgotten why I did it in the first place. It is not the fresh air, the smell of flowers, even the chance to be alone. No, the real reason I go for my walk is because it is pretty much the only time I get with God each day. I go to pray. I go to bask in His presence and because of that, I come back a different person. As I was nearing home this morning, feeling encouraged, peaceful, and full of JOY, I realized that that is the difference. THAT is the difference between super mom and me. It is not what they do, not who they are, but rather who is shining through them. It gave me such a sense of freedom from guilt and bitterness towards these mothers when I saw that on days I go for my walk, I am supermom. I am motivated, energized, patient, and joyful. I am a better mom, a better wife, and overall a better person. You can't simply know Jesus and expect to be a different person. I realized that I ask God to make me a better mom. And he does. But, he does it for that day. The next day I need to wake up and do it all over again. It takes a constant, everyday relationship with God. It takes me laying my heart before him, my fears and frustrations, my attitude and lack of patience... asking for forgiveness, help, energy, and strength to be the best person I can that day. And even then, it is not what I CAN do, but what Christ does in me. As a Christian my whole life, this is sunday school stuff. I have known it and could have preached it to anyone who came to me. But I guess this morning I received new insight and really owned this principal.


It is not super mom, but rather super charged mom!


And so my friends, I am supercharged today. Don't judge me, don't be bitter or feel guilty, but rather go to your room, lock your door and spend time with God today. You will be a super charged mom too!

Heart Change

It is a wonderful afternoon. I say that because my kids never ended up napping (except for in the car) so I am very excited to lay them down at 7 sharp. We went into town this morning, so my whole day has seemed short. Ah, I love short days. Anyways, we were going to go to the wildlife park, but it is so smokey out there both jonathan and I felt sick and thought it would be best to just leave it. So we went to bag sale at Lizzie Bits instead. I love bag sale. I had a credit from all my consignment, so I got a ton of stuff. Even got to try out the Rockin' Green everyone's been talking about (my load is in the wash right now). Now I sit here, surrounded by a haze of smoke outside, thinking about my day.

We picked up an old school desk today from a lady in town (which as you can see is still in the truck because I am waiting for my sweet husband to carry it in for me). Have I mentioned I LOVE kijiji???? Anyways, she asked what we would be using it for and I told her we would be using it for homeschooling our children. She was very interested in this decision as she said she had always considered it old-fashioned and weird, but more and more people were doing it and she wondered why. So we laid our case before her: what Jonathan has seen and witnessed in the elementary schools, the lack of control over their education, the long time involved sitting both at school and home doing homework and the desire to give our kids a foundation because they are so impressionable. She could tell we were passionate about it and I realized that yeah, I guess we are! A couple of years ago, Jonathan was against homeschooling. It is amazing how this idea has formed and grown in our minds and hearts over the last year that we have been talking about it. We are passionate about our kids and we are passionate about both their education and, more importantly, their souls. We cannot protect them forever, we won't be homeschooling them forever. But, we can give our family a foundation of faith, love, and example that hopefully they will carry throughout their lifetime.

Anyways, here's to a good day, already half gone... and change. Which can sometimes happen so subtly you don't even realize it has occurred :)

Homeschooling Thoughts

Well, Jonathan and I have pretty much decided that we are going to homeschool. I am not sure how long we will do it for, at least for the elementary years we think. We want to draw a fine line. We don't want our children to be too sheltered, but at the same time we want them to have a strong foundation in their faith and in their identities. On that note, I was looking for curriculum for the coming fall. I am in love with A Beka curriculum, how can I not be? It is what I grew up with! I looked at countless other products and none of them are as bright and interesting and high quality as the A Beka books. That being said, A Beka is nearly double the price over most other curriculums and they don't ship to me. So, I ended up purchasing materials from my good friends at Rainbow Resources. I LOVE Rainbow Resources. They are so nice and their prices are pretty much unbeatable. They have an awesome selection of not only homeschool books but also supplies, calendars, etc. and I was able to find everything I needed and more for half the price. I know my kids are a little bit young, but I can't wait to jump the bandwagon. I am an all or nothing person and am so excited to get started on the new school year.

Selah will mostly be coloring pictures and maybe participating in the stories. But Caleb is ready. He is starting to recognize his shapes, letters and numbers, and it will do him no harm to hone this skill. I love school. I love fall. I love schedules and the crisp mornings and the bright colors... the smell of fresh paper the feel of newness and possibility. Fall is my favourite season and I can't wait to share it with my children this year! Bring on September!

Summer Update

As I sit here at my kitchen table listening to my kids "nap" (aka play and sing and generally climb the walls), I can't help but consider the chaos that is my life. In just a few short weeks Malakai has changed so much. He has three teeth, he sits, he crawls, he squeals and screams, he doesn't want to be held and arches to be on the floor. He fusses he frets, he even is starting to sign some words like "all done". He has overnight changed from an infant to a mobile baby and it is hitting me pretty hard. I felt like with the others their transition to babyhood was more gradual. What do I do with this child that I hardly know anymore? He is developing his own personality and preferences and all I can think is: "rewind!"

Selah turned two at the end of July. And thank God, her tantrums and screaming fits are beginning to subside. They still happen every day, but not every minute of the day. And for that I am eternally grateful. She is beginning to morph into this beautiful little girl. She is so kind and caring, compassionate and sensitive, and yet she has this toughness to her (being Caleb's little sister is a prime suspect), this incredible strength that some days I don't have the strength to battle. Selah: my warrior princess. She loves her dolly and puts everything on time out from her animals to her favourite beach ball. She eats like a horse, far surpassing Caleb and most nights... me too. Her smile pretty much lights up my life and I am so thankful to have this little girl in my life.

Caleb turns three tomorrow. I can hardly believe it! He isn't a toddler any longer and everyday he surprises me with some new tidbit of knowledge he has acquired. Darned TV, he sure doesn't get all that from me so where else does it come from? He is a little mother, he considers Malakai his "son" (to which we have had a number of arguments that I seem to lose on a pretty consistent basis). He is constantly asking me "Mama, can you put Selah on timeout please?" making sure that she receives her just rewards (the fact is he is usually right, she needs a timeout, oy vey). Bedtime has become my constant battleground and the only way to get him to sleep is to sit outside his room like a sleep vigilante. He crawls into Malakai's crib to play with him at least 20 times before finally succumbing to sleep. He is my biggest helper most of the time and he is such a boy. Always playing with his cars and trying to tackle you to the floor. His smile can melt me and he knows it too, using his charm to its utmost capabilities.

Ah my kids, I don't know where to start or how to end. They are everything to me. They are my life, my aspirations and goals, my heart and my soul. They are the reason I get up the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night. They are growing up. I can remember... and I mean REMEMBER the moment each of them were born as if it were yesterday and here they are, their own little people. What a powerful thing, having children. Teaching them, raising them to be strong, capable adults. Whoever said being a stay-at-home mom wasn't a career? The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, isn't it so? I may not be raising the next Prime Minister, but I am raising little people who will inevitably touch the lives of those around them. So bring it on I say! And may God give me the strength I need to be the best I can be today.

Top Reasons I am Proud to be Canadian

I'll be completely honest here, in the past I have not felt a grand sense of patriotism towards my country. Sure, I think it is beautiful, but I have been frustrated with its politics and seemingly lethargic attitude. It wasn't until this year, watching the Olympics, that I truly felt PROUD to be Canadian. We live in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, and I am feeling rather patriotic on this holiday for the following reasons:

1. Canadians are so polite.
Just the other day Sonia and I were talking about how you can always tell an American by their blatant "me-first" attitude. You can tell them by their driving, even by the way they walk... When a Canadian walks down the street, they talk to strangers, "hi, nice day out today. How are you?" They hold open doors for other people, they are there to lend a helping hand. Now, I am not trying to bash my American neighbours over there, to be honest I don't blame them. There are so many people in the States, if you don't think of yourself, you get mowed over down there! And there is no question that not everyone is like that. But the fact remains, Canada is a kind country, and I am thankful to be a part of that.

2. Canada is Beautiful
When I see pictures of different countries, Greece, Mexico, Italy, I am envious and wish I could go there, see their beauty. We may not be surrounded by blue-green waters, but we are surrounded by beauty. We have forests and lakes, rivers and stunning waterfalls, islands, amazing wildlife! This country is beautiful! It is raw, it is natural, and I love that.

3. Canada is Versatile
If you go to the Amazon, you can expect to find the hot and humid rainforest. If you go to anywhere along the equator, you can expect to find hot climates. In Canada, nothing is to be expected. There is rain and snow, wind and cold. It is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. Along the west coast there is rain, up north it is cooler. We are surrounded by mountain ranges and passes. Canada is a versatile country, and every year is different than the last.

4. Canadians are inspirational
I was trying to think of what word to use here, a word to describe how we aim for the best. We aren't necessarily the "best". We don't have the best singers in the world, we are not the hub of famous actors. (although apparently we are the best athletically this year :) But we always try. Watching the olympics, I felt a sense of community I have never felt before, and I was inspired. Inspired by these day to day people I was watching do extraordinary things. Inspired by the people shamelessly cheering their country on. Inspired by the faces of expectation, by the very heart of our country expressed so openly. Yes, we are an inspirational country.

5. Canadians are accepting
To our detriment at times, we accept. We accept people and races of every kind, Canada is sought after by thousands of immigrants each year. We provide jobs for them, we provide education for them, we accept them into our communities and circles. We are an attractive country to come to, it is strange to think that as much as I want to go and travel, people want to travel here! :)

These are just a few of the many reasons I am proud to be a Canadian this holiday. Not to mention our healthcare system as being one of the best in the world. With three small children, I could not imagine having to pay each time they needed an x-ray or a test. I trust this country to take care of me and my family, I think this country is beautiful, and I am honored to bear the name: "Canadian" this day!

Monthly Confessional: Identity Crisis

My kids are asleep, the house has transformed from my cage to my sanctuary. Its many corners and crevices are all mine to explore and search for the peace and quiet I am so desperate to find. And so it is that I find myself a cozy little space and sit down to write my monthly confessional. June, a month of spontaneity. Wind and calm, sun and rain, wind and stillness. I have been forced to consider why I feel a sense of discontent these last weeks. What is it that causes this stir deep within to reach out for something more? I have everything I could ever wish for. A wonderful husband, three beautiful (albeit spunky) children, a home of my own... no it is not possessions I desire, I am feeling a sense of loss this month. Feeling the loss of my 'youth'. I quote that for the sake of those who are rolling their eyes at my dramatist mentality. My age is not lost on me, I am still young, a fact I am reminded of every time someone realizes these children I traipse after all day are actually mine! No, it is not the number that I begrudge. I guess I feel like this stage of my life is stealing something from me, a part of who I used to be. I used to be fun, spontaneous, full of life, so sure of myself! Now I feel tired, bored with the same routine in and out day-by-day, and insecure.


So my monthly confessional is this: I miss that which I never had. I wish I didn't have to let go of that fun, spontaneous person I used to be. I wish I could take my husband out without worrying over babysitters and money. I wish I could do something new, something exciting! I am watching myself turn into a mom, a real mom. Serious, responsible, all the things I both resented and admired in my own mother... and it scares me and makes me a little bit sad for the person I am leaving behind. Maybe this has been happening for a while and I just haven't seen it, I mean the last three years have been pretty busy with weddings, new babies, moving, etc. Now that everything has settled down and I have time to sit down and reminisce, I realize that somewhere along the way I changed. Not only did I assume a mantle of responsibility and seriousness that wasn't there before, but I lost a lot of my confidence. Shouldn't it be the other way around? No, I feel all mixed up. I don't belong any longer with the young, unmarried people. I don't even belong with the married people. I belong with the parent people. People who are mostly older than me. I feel out of place. I feel insecure. And I HATE that! When I walk into a room of people, I have to force myself to put on a face when really I just want to go back home. WHO AM I?!?!?!?!? No, I don't think this is an age crisis at all, it is an identity crisis. It's all about who I am now versus who I used to be. 


I suppose the question is what do I do with it? I don't know the answer to that. Things, experiences, are not going to change the person that I am. I guess it is just something I am going to have to accept and let go. But that is a lot easier than it sounds. I feel like I am all of a sudden in strange boots that DON'T FIT! I don't know how to walk in them and I just want my old ones back. But I can't. I think I will grow into this new role, this new person that God is forming me into. There is no use fighting something that is inevitable, I will only make it harder on myself. My confessional, I am in a total identity crisis right now. And so very tempted to go out and be spontaneous, laugh, be carefree! Sigh. I need my sister :) 

Sweeter as we go...

I have thoughts, as crazy as it might sound. And as I have been unable to portray these thoughts in passing conversations, I have decided to attempt it in writing...

Over the last 7 months since Malakai's birth, both Jonathan and I have spent both time and energy discussing and searching as to why we feel so strongly towards him. Perhaps it is because he was born pre-mature. Maybe it is because of his personality. Maybe we both just love babies and were like this with all the children and we don't remember. Maybe it is that he was so little and has been in and out of the hospital more than the others. We guess and we wonder, we discuss and we ponder. And I believe I have finally achieved an opinion regarding the matter.

As time has progressed and with each new baby we have felt as though we cherish this baby more than the last. Let me clarify that I am not saying love or favor, simply cherish. And I believe that that is because after experiencing it 3 times now, we know that it passes so quickly and we are taking our time to enjoy and treasure the short time that we have. To us, baby's truly are sweeter as we go. I can already anticipate that whenever we have another, I will look at my older three and wonder where the time has gone and try to snatch every last minute I can with the new one while I still can. The second reason is that we have two toddlers. Screaming, fighting, toddlers who require nearly constant time and attention and copious amounts of patience! So when we see sweet little Malakai cooing and smiling and babbling at us, asking nothing, doing nothing wrong... we are drawn to his innocence and his ease. He is easy to be with. He is a breath of fresh air in the midst of our chaos! :)

In conclusion, we love all of our children dearly and equally, albeit differently. Each of them carries so many characteristics that draw us to them, make us laugh. However as time flies by and our lives continue to somehow get away from us, each passing child becomes more and more precious, a reason to slow down and "smell the downy baby hair." And that is a temptation I can't bear to pass up! Mmmm, I have to go snuggle my son now! Good night all!