cookies, candies, and chocolate...

I call it a slump. After a peak of energy and busyness, the lull becomes nearly mesmerizing. I have been running to clean and organize and chase two little rugrats all over my house, and spend as much time as possible with Jonathan on his days off. And at the end of it all, I am exhausted. And the urge within me, as I look at my tornado of a home, is to crawl into bed with as much junk food as I can fit beside me and eat, drink, and be merry with my good friend the television. Some would judge this inevitable side-effect of pushing myself too hard for too long. But I revel in the simplicity and console myself with the weak excuse that "I deserve it." Hmmm, do I indeed? Yes, I am pregnant and feel like a whale. Yes, my feet hurt, my back aches, and lack of sleep makes my eyes feel like lead. But does the world simply stop for me just because of these things? No, if anything, it seems to spin out of control on a path that I must follow or be destroyed.

Kids beckon, cat calls, husband wants me to sit and relax with him (so that he doesn't feel too guilty about doing it himself I suppose), and house silently begs me to ceaselessly pick up after the growing destruction. And round and round it goes. I cannot simply raise my hands in defiance and yell, "quiet!" I cannot lock myself in my bedroom where time stands still... (well I could, but I can guarantee you that what I would find upon leaving would be a disaster indeed). No, I must go on. For without me, the running of this tumbleweed household would stop turning and instead lurch back and forth in a most disorganized fashion.

And it is because of this explicit "need" for me: mother and wife and homemaker, that I continue to move at my tireless pace. Even when I know the dishes can wait, I can't sit down and relax. It is becoming a part of me, etching itself into my being. And the urge is almost too strong to resist. For this, I am thankful, it has given me a new sense of purpose and pride in my home. And because of this, I cannot complain. I cannot sit and stew in my mound of junk food. First I must prepare my home for the next flurry of activity that will invade it again come morning. Who knows, maybe when I am done my "duties" I will find a spare moment to 'slump' as my nature suggests. Now if only I could get moving :)