The Case For Having Children

Children compose the future. They inexplicably write the course of history and it all starts with their lives here and now. In today's society, the case for not having children is everywhere. A young couple is inundated with remarks and "helpful advice" as to why they should not have children. And for those young families who have one or two kids, they are told that they shouldn't have anymore. Why?

The case for not having children seems vast: they ruin your marriage, they ruin your relationships, they are expensive and draining, and they suck you dry of all your resources. So the question young couples are faced with today is: why should I have kids?

Why Should I Have Kids?

1. Having children is rewarding

• Each milestone a child reaches is as powerful as though you were reaching one for yourself. When a baby smiles up at you for the first time, or your son takes his first step, these small feats will make you so proud!
• What could a child possibly offer me, you ask. They offer a tangible, visible, constant reminder of your greatest accomplishments. You invest into their little lives every minute of every day, and when you see them adopting your values, or learning their manners, or trying to share, you feel such an incredible sense of accomplishment.

2. Having children keeps you young

• Many of today's parents are a hard sell for having a family. They look haggard and tired, drained and withdrawn. However, it has been my experience that having kids keeps you young. I am sure you have heard the phrase, "living vicariously through your children." It is so true. You may take the outdoors for granted, however when you take your one-year-old for a walk and they see an ant for the first time with wonder and fear and innate curiosity, you are drawn to feel the same way. When they ask you why? You are driven to find the answer out. They bring you into the mind of a child, they keep you running, jumping, and thinking every day of your life. What better brain exersizes could you need?

3. Kids are your legacy

• What will you have if your spouse dies? Who will be left to give your life meaning purpose? What will you be like when you sit alone in a retirement home and no one cares? Children are your legacy. They are the reason you can die content, knowing that a part of you is living on. A part of you will never die. They give life meaning, they give every day a sense of joy. They open your heart to love so that you are able to go on if someone in your life dies. You instil your values, your morals, your thoughts and opinions and your genes, and watch it germinate and grow. It is your legacy! What better reason is there?

4. Having children adopts you into the elite "click" of parenthood

• There is no doubt about it, having kids changes your relationships with everyone around you. You have less time, your childless friends won't be able to relate to your new schedule and your new set of priorities. The love you feel for your children is all consuming and someone who has not experienced that will not understand. However, having kids will present you with a whole new set of relationships and opportunities. There are endless online forums, family centres, playgroups, and places to connect. Never again will you walk in a room and not know what to say. Bring up childbirth, teething, or potty training and you will have a twenty minute conversation topic on your hands!
• Having children will open the doors to a whole new social circle. And although you may never go back to your parties or your spontaneous lifestyles, you will enter into something like a family group that will support and encourage you so you will not be alone.

5. Children are entertaining

• If children are anything, it is entertaining. You and your spouse are sure to find hours of conversations regarding their latest antics or performances. Not a day will go by that they won't at least try to make you laugh, and their imaginative ingenuity will constantly keep you guessing.

6. Children will make you a better person

•  Children inspire you to be a better person. They bring out the best in you. You are changed overnight from being relatively selfish, because you can be, to caring for another human being. It doesn't matter if you are tired or sick, someone else needs you and you are ultimately forced to be responsible and selfless. 

Children Are a Gift

I am sure it is a phrase you have heard time and time again, children are a blessing, they are a gift. But it is true. You see, it doesn't matter if money is tight or you are having a bad day or your kids have been misbehaving all day long. There will always be that one moment when they look into your eyes and tell you they love you or give you a heart-wrenching smile and you know, somewhere deep inside your gut, that it is all going to be okay. That this is the reason that you are alive! That you are devoting yourself to something, someone who could potentially change the world. And each day is an opportunity to be a better person.

How sick is too sick?

One of the greatest dilemma's I have faced as a parent is when I should take my child in to the doctor. In a society where everyone is trying to cover their buts, getting an honest opinion is next to impossible. Take the new 811 nurses hotline for example, I have called there at least 5 times and never received any helpful advice. In fact, the only advice I have ever received is to take myself/my child in to the doctor or the hospital immediately. Great, thanks, my next door neighbour could have told me that one. I mean seriously, why are we paying to have a 24/7 hotline that can't tell us any information other than refer us to a doctor. It is a waste of my time and my money.

Needless to say, yesterday when Malakai came down with this flu, we called the hotline. And surprise, surprise... were told to take him in. In fact, they even called me back and tried to convince me to take him in an ambulance. Sure, if you'll be paying for that! The over-reaction is ironic considering that the nurses at the hospital make you feel like a fool for coming in at all. Wow. Where is the middle line? You know what I am talking about, the snub-nosed doctors and nurses who smirk condescendingly as they ask, "So why are you here today dear?" Yeah, newsflash doc, I have three of these guys at home and I'm no idiot!

Sigh. Well, we took him in. And it was a good thing. They were able to give him an anti-nauseant and rehydrate him with enfalyte. At his age, there is not much else I could have done so I didn't let the silly remarks get to me. But I must admit, this constant guessing game of parenthood is overwhelming at times. Should I do this or that? Should I wait or should I react? Should I take them in or should I wait? I guess it all comes down to taking opinions and forming my own decision. I know my children, I know when they are really sick or when I have exhausted all my options. At that point, I need to put on my armour, take them in, and not let their comments get to me. I am mom, I know best!

Monthly Confessional

Time: my most precious commodity. At the end of each day I am left with a lingering sense of lost moments, discarded opportunities, forgotten promises. With three children under three, every day is condensed to the simple objective of survival. However, those wasted seconds, minutes, and hours will one day come back to haunt me. I suppose at the end of all things, we will always be left with the fact that it was not enough. We could have done more. We could have tried harder. So I do not pretend to subject myself to unrealistic expectations that steal my joy... I am human. I fail. I make mistakes and won't do it right all the time. But the reality is this: I don't want to survive. I don't want to make it by. I don't want to sit down at the end of the night feeling as though I had a 'productive day' because my to-do list is smaller whilst my children spent the afternoon in front of the TV or playing in a room. I want to do it right. I want to be engaged with my children, enthralled by them. I want to use every opportunity to teach them and hug them and praise them and delight in the goodness they represent in my life. 

I hereby confess my attempts to occupy my children with things so that I can get my chores done. I confess to wasting away whole days with trying to keep them busy so that I can accomplish my tasks.

I sincerely hope that this merely portrays me as human rather than an awful mother. I do try. In fact, I spend my evenings after the kids are in bed pining away at what could have been and regretting the poor decisions I made that day. I go over my catalogue of confrontations with the children and dissect them in infinite detail wondering how I could have handled it better. And through this daily 'recap' if you will, I hope that I am becoming a better mother. I hope that next time I don't make the same mistakes or fall into the same pits. I am learning every day and my children delight in teaching me and challenging me with new and brilliant strategies to test my knowledge!

I like to think I am a good mother, even when I don't do it all right. My kids keep me young and bring a fresh vibrancy to my life that I would be lost without. They are my light, my sunrise, my bouquet of very wild flowers! Many would tell me that I 'am a wonderful mother' and I would believe them :) But the reality is that I could always do better. And it is this unattainable goal of perfection that I will strive towards. I will never make it there, it will be disappointing each day when I fail, but my kids are worth the effort. For them I will get up each day aiming to be the very best, engaging, delightful, ever-praising, cheerful mother that I can be and pray for the strength to do it!

Who, me?

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, I have fresh stew simmering in the crock-pot and kids screaming in the background. And I think to myself: How will I find the creativity to write today? My mind feels like a nice pot of mashed potatoes. Trying to pick out coherent thoughts is possible, I am sure, but the question is, is it worth the trouble? You see, this is one of those days. You know the ones where you just seem to float on the sweet wisps of indifference? I am floating. Finding the will to focus is far from my sight and I feel like I simply pass through the motions one by one. Somewhere, in the deep, dark crevices of my mind, I know I should care... should devote myself fully to my tasks. But sadly it all comes down to the majority. And the majority vote is in, I'm too tired to be vibrant today. The rainbow is gone, the sparkle in my eye must have been carelessly misplaced. Today I am just me. Today, I just try to get by and do what I have to do. Not to say I am discontent. Neither am I faced with the bleak prospect of unhappiness. Instead I am simply plagued by the familiar pit of complacency and the effort it takes to climb out seems hopelessly out of reach. 

And so I sit at my kitchen table, watching the sun move its way painstakingly across the sky, and pining away for yet another cup of coffee. The house waits in utter disarray and I choose to be an innocent bystander in this game of "house".  I claim the right to wide-eyed naivety! I can do my work, I can watch the kids, I can make dinner... and at the end of the day when I look around at the things I failed to accomplish, I will boldly ask the question, "who me?" And so, don't point your fingers at me today! Please reserve your judgement for tomorrow. Because today... I claim ignorance!

A Mother's Musings

I'm feeling a feeling and I don't know why
I can't decide if I would rather eat or clean or cry
I have a list of things to do, it's getting rather long
But my interests are divided and my motivation gone

I dabble once in everything without one thing completing
And what the heck is wrong with me? I simply can't stop eating!
After pumping out a child, I thought I would be smaller
But somehow now I weigh myself and I just want to holler!

I watch a show or read a book and feel myself inspired
But is it worth the trouble when I just feel so darn tired?
It sounds like I do nothing and that really isn't true
In fact I clean and work all day, it seems like all I do

And so I'll stop complaining, for it isn't all that bad
I'd rather live in constant mess than be a mom that's mad
I'll bite my lip and hold my tongue and with my children play
For life's too short to dwell upon the hopes of yesterday!

Daily Duel

DAILY DUEL

The morning starts, the day is here

I roll over, my duty is clear

Pressing snooze I start to doze

But 10 minutes later, my rest is deposed

I sigh, I groan, I shake my head

And my weary body I force out of bed

"Try to be brave, try to be strong"

My mantra runs through my head like a song

I shower, I wash, I go to the sink

And there I mix up my favourite drink

Coffee in hand, my hair in a towel

My kids start to stir and call my foul

I look at the clock, disbelief on my face

My kids must think this a marvelous race

They must know, they must sense, they must have a hunch

To irritate mommy, they'll beat me to the punch!

I try to tune out the sounds that I hear

At least it's not crying, a few minutes so dear

I sit at the table and squeak out a prayer

"Oh God help me not to pull out all my hair!"

I pad down the hallway and open their door

Their faces light up, and I know this is war

It starts off with smiles and cute little antics

And then there's the screaming 'til one of us panics

My heart in my throat in anticipation

I make them some breakfast, with great expectation

They look at my meal and snub down their nose

And on the floor their disdainful food goes

I take them downstairs and cleanup with a sigh

And think to myself: "how will I get by?"

I turn on the TV for a moment of peace

And but for a minute the fighting does cease

We color, we play, we frolic outside

They scream and they fight and their time they bide

Until, of course, their father walks in

Somehow they are perfect: they squeal, laugh and grin

I try to explain the day that I've had

He looks at their smiles and says "it can't be that bad"

And so I trudge my way to bedtime

And flop on the couch with a feeling sublime

The day is over, the deed is done

Now I just wait for another one!

I try not to think of the trials ahead

  As I sit and relax with my husband instead

The Spooner Clan: post baby

Well, it has been a long time since I have written down my thoughts and I figured it was time to share with you a glimpse of what it is like to be outnumbered!

I'll be honest with you. For all those well-meaning individuals who assume we have gone of the deep end having our kids so close together, three is not much different than two. For now that is. I am quite certain that once Malakai is crawling and interacting and able to fight with his brother and sister, that will change. But for now, all it means for us is one more person to be aware of. One more diaper to change. One more mouth to feed. One more cry to listen for. I mean, we already do that all day long, so it honestly is not that different.

However, there are of course moments when I am busy nursing or changing Malakai and my older two take advantage of my busy hands. And those are the moments that I will hereby document.

Exhibit A

A moment of neglect in which I got Selah dressed after the bath and was feeding Malakai while Caleb played. When I returned, Selah had apparently decided to go in for a second dip. Wow, that was a great night! 

Exhibit B

A moment of silence. Have I not learned that this is a BAD SIGN????? Caleb and Selah went into the bedroom and shut the door. They were playing so well, I let them at it while I enjoyed a moment of serenity. Let's be honest, I knew they were too quiet, I knew trouble was imminent. However, it was too good an opportunity to pass up. I thought, "how bad can it be, they are only in the bedroom." Sigh. Live and learn. Or in my case, don't learn.

As you can see, my kids are much too smart to not take advantage of my busy hands. They know that I am busy and they know they can pretty much do whatever they want when I am nursing. This makes for some interesting scenes to come upon when Malakai is done. But, so far it has not been anything dangerous, and for that I am thankful. A mess is fairly easily undone. And if you can believe it, those things haven't been happening lately thanks to the fact that Jonathan is on paternity leave. We may be outnumbered, but life is a lot easier when he can watch them when I am busy with Malakai!

Anyways, other than typical meltdowns and such, life is progressing as normal. And because I don't leave my house without Jonathan, disaster is, at the moment, nearly obsolete. So until the next imminent household disaster...